Tag Archive for: motivation factors

enneagram

(Part 2) Enrich Your Relationships with The Enneagram and Leslie Neugent

enneagram

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

Today we’re continuing our conversation about expanding and improving your self-awareness, leadership, and relationship growth through the profound and popular Enneagram assessment. 

Maybe you’ve never done self-growth work before, or maybe you’re someone like me who has spent decades doing personal growth work—either way, you’ll find this to be extremely enlightening! There’s so much to the Enneagram—you can go as shallow or as deep as you’d like with the material. Think of it as a life-long journey.

The very best part of this episode is my guest. She’s the sought-after relationship consultant, Enneagram expert, and wise woman—whom I get to call a friend—Leslie Neugent. 

Meet Leslie Neugent of Relationship Matters

Leslie has had leadership roles in business, academics and in ministry. After earning her undergraduate and Master’s degrees from Northwestern University, Leslie began her career in advertising. Though she successfully rose through the ranks to become a Vice President, she decided that the advertising world wasn’t a good match from her spirit. She then went to work for for Texas Christian University in Fort Worth and served as the Director of Admissions for the MBA Program. After taking some time off for motherhood, she entered seminary training where she got her Master’s in Divinity Degree and became a Minister.

How did Leslie get started with the Enneagram?

Leslie was introduced to the Enneagram as part of her seminary training, and she found it to be such an incredible tool for her own personal growth that she went on to be mentored by the internationally renowned Enneagram master, teacher, and author, Russ Hudson. Leslie became certified as an Enneagram teacher and consultant through the Enneagram Institute in New York, and then in 2020, launched her own relationship consulting business called Relationship Matters. 

“I had an experience with the Enneagram in seminary where I realized to be a minister, I had to work on some of my blind spots that came with my Enneagram.”

The Enneagram was remarkably transformative for her and sparked her interest in the tool. 

“I came to realize that there are some very, very specific and nuanced themes that people struggle with and deal with in relationships. Once they become aware of them and realize that there are places they’re stuck and where they have superpowers they’re overusing which can crash into other people that they love’s nervous systems—that is where the money line is.”

Who does Leslie work with?

Today, Leslie works with individuals, couples, families, businesses and groups to help develop the self-awareness that’s necessary for us to heal, grow and optimize our relationships. She’s a speaker, consultant and workshop leader.

My family and I have had the privilege of working with Leslie using the Enneagram and am delighted to have this opportunity to introduce her to you.

What is the Enneagram?

The Enneagram is a psychology-spiritual tool that helps us recognize that tells us a lot of things about ourselves, primarily where we’re stuck. 

There are nine types within the Enneagram. It identifies what your superpower or gift is that you’ve developed as your way of showing up. The ego needs a way to show up and feel valued and the Enneagram organizes that information into 9 buckets.

Think about B.F. Skinner and his work around positive reinforcement. As children, we need that and these gifts are survival mechanism. This is a beautiful thing because we start learning where we fit in the world, and how we can move forward, strive, thrive, and survive. We lean into that and we get good at it. 

How does the Enneagram work and why does it matter to leadership and relationships?

In these nine types, there are nine different coping mechanisms or different ways of showing up and feeling valued. They are all necessary and good. 

What happens as we get older and our ego takes the wheel is that we fall asleep to all other possibilities of how we can show up, which is very limiting and in some cases can be damaging.  And this is how our unique motivation is formed.

We show up into a family system that’s in action. The movie is already happening. The family system may be healthy, may not be, but your little baby self shows up. 

And as a child in those pre-language, toddler-ish years, we have a special survival mechanism which B.F. Skinner termed “behaviorism.”

We start trying different things. We get assertive, stomp our feet, and yell. Because, again, this is pre-language and all we have to express ourselves are our actions.

You might get language back to you about being quiet, what the right thing to do is, or how you “should” behave. Perhaps you get non-verbal cues about what you should or should not be doing. Whatever the response is, our nervous systems are receiving this information and learning what to do to protect ourselves.

And from there, we learn what the reward system is which helps us develop our coping mechanism. The problem is, we don’t grow out of that or intuitively learn how to balance our gifts once we hit adulthood. That’s where the Enneagram comes in.

The Enneagram groups these coping mechanisms together in 9 different groups, which are categorized as Types. Each group has its own network of motivations and behaviors.

When we talk about our number (or our Type), think of it as your home base. It’s your superpower or gift, but it can also be your Achilles heel.

This is where we grow from. One of the dangers in Enneagram work (when it’s done too superficially) is it becomes our badge. We can begin to “blame” things on our Enneagram type instead of using it as a tool to inspire personal and professional growth.

First we get aware—80% of things can be changed simply with the awareness of them. And then the Enneagram gives you a roadmap for what to do with that awareness.

Brief introduction to the motivations of the 9 Enneagram personality types

What I love about the Enneagram is the whole idea that every single one of the nine types is a superpower—all of them are good. 

The Enneagram is so rich because it’s so positive. It is such a simple system, and yet you can get very deep with it as well.

There are essentially 3 tiers to the system: liberated, evolved, and restricted. When we’re at our most liberated or our most evolved, that’s when we are using our superpower to its five-star level. When we’re overusing our gift (think of it almost like an Achilles heel), that’s when we are relying on it too heavily, and we have to be aware. 

There is in fact so much to the Enneagram that we’ve decided to split this into two parts. What follows is the Enneagram basics for Type 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7. You can find Type 8, 9, 1, and 2 over here!

Type 3

(This is me!)

Type 3’s superpower or gift

The Achiever or The Performer. This is a productive energy. They’re assertive, they’re leaders, and they’re incredibly efficient! 3’s just know how to get the job done and done well.

3’s are also chameleons. Leslie has seen many high level executives that are 3’s lose who they are because they’re so busy being what the world wants and needs them to be.

How are Type 3’s motivated?

3’s are in the Shame Triad with 2’s and feel that they must do something in order to be valued. They feel like they have to get this thing done quickly so they can move on to the next thing they have to get done!

Type 3’s should be aware of

3’s have to learn to bring their heart back into the space, which is tough for them because feelings can be really inefficient. While that may be true in the short term, relationships will actually make the achievements even sweeter in the long run.

Type 4

(Leslie’s son is a 4.)

Type 4’s superpower or gift

The Individualist. They’re our artists, musicians, and creators. They see beauty where, often, many of us don’t. 

They’re a sensitive energy and have an ability to hold all of the hard and light emotions—without trying to fix it. (This is very different from most—if not all—of the other Types who like to fix things.)

How are Type 4’s motivated?

Early on in life, they learn that they need to be different to be valued. They’re in the Fear Triad. So they may fear being abandoned and therefore make themselves such that they stand out from the crowd.

Type 4’s should be aware of

4’s work so hard to be different and unique, yet they become jealous of the “common man” and sense of “normal.” It’s important for 4’s to realize this is a box they put themselves in and that they can rewrite the script if they’d like!

Type 5

Type 5’s superpower or gift

The Observer or The Investigator. This is a suspicious energy. They have sober judgment—they can be objective. 5’s possess an extremely steady energy and will give a very reasoned point of view. 

How are Type 5’s motivated?

They’re thinkers and live in the theme of fear. When they’re young, they perceive that resources are limited. They like to dive deep and become expert on things. 

Type 5’s should be aware of

Because they have that perception from childhood that there’s not enough to go around, 5’s tend to hoard whatever it is they have—whether it be information, resources, money, etc. They can become busy analyzing life instead of living it.

Type 6

(One of my daughters is a Type 6)

Type 6’s superpower or gift

The Loyalist or The Skeptic. (Think of 6’s as a lite Type 8.) They have much of the same big, assertive energy—minus the anger of an 8. They’re like the Boy Scouts of the Enneagram. They’re loyal, trustworthy, and honest. 

They have an intense sense of responsibility to their inner circle—family, friends, or colleagues. 6’s have very much of a “leave no man behind” energy. 

How are Type 6’s motivated?

6’s want certainty. They want to be sure of their next steps and are motivated by fear. 6’s are a worrying energy. They’re in the Fear Triad with 5’s and 7’s.

6’s often operate from this mentality of “I must get this right and know the answer. Because of this they’ll seek to gather more and more information. But the thing is, there’s no such thing as being 100% sure. 6’s only need to do their best and then let it go.

Type 6’s should be aware of

They can have a cynical view of the world, they’re suspicious and jump to the worst case scenario. But sometimes the one who can only see what’s wrong, can only see what could go wrong—and that can be a hard place to live.

Type 7

Type 7’s superpower or gift

The Enthusiast or The Adventurer. This is the positive outlook energy extraordinaire. They can take anything that happens and find the silver lining. They’re fun, visionaries, and love new ideas!

How are Type 7’s motivated?

7’s are in the Fear Triad. They learn young to dust themselves off when they fall off the bike or a relationship ends and just keep going. 

Their fear is related to not wanting to look at their inner world (emotions), and to help with this they keep their minds occupied.

Type 7’s should be aware of

When 7’s get frustrated, they get irritable because you’re holding back the fun of life. They don’t learn the tools for sitting in things that are hard or painful (for example: metabolizing grief). So they will become distracted and numb themselves to be distracted and not have to address the hard things. 

Go to Part 1 for the beginning of this conversation!

Freshen up on Types 8, 9, 1, and 2.

In this episode, I share:

  • Real examples to show what makes the Enneagram different, how it works, and how it improves relationships in homes and in the workplace
  • Why the worst part of you is the best part of you
  • How relationships without self-awareness can lead to misunderstanding and self-deception
  • Where you can take a reliable Enneagram assessment

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

enneagram

Enrich Your Relationships with The Enneagram and Leslie Neugent

enneagram

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

Today, we’re talking about improving and optimizing your relationships through the profound and popular Enneagram assessment. 

Maybe you’ve never done self-growth work before, or maybe you’re someone like me who has spent decades doing the work—either way, I’m confident this episode will provide you with a new insight or way to improve an important relationship –either with yourself or another. 

The best part of this episode is who I have with me. She’s the sought-after relationship consultant, Enneagram expert, speaker—and my friend—Leslie Neugent. 

Meet Leslie Neugent of Relationship Matters

Leslie has had leadership roles in business, academics and in ministry. After earning her undergraduate and Master’s degrees from Northwestern University, Leslie began her career in advertising. Though she successfully rose through the ranks to become a Vice President, she decided that the advertising world wasn’t a good match for her spirit. She then went on to work for Texas Christian University in Fort Worth where she served as the Director of Admissions for the MBA Program. After taking some time off for motherhood, she entered seminary training where she got her Master’s in Divinity Degree and became a Minister.

How did Leslie get started with the Enneagram?

 

Leslie was introduced to the Enneagram as part of her seminary training. She found it to be such an incredible tool for her own personal growth that she went on to be mentored by the internationally renowned Enneagram master, teacher, and author, Russ Hudson. 

Leslie became certified as an Enneagram teacher and consultant through the Enneagram Institute in New York, and then in 2020, launched her own relationship consulting business called Relationship Matters. 

“I had an experience with the Enneagram in seminary where I realized to be a minister, I had to work on some of my blind spots that came with my Enneagram.”

The Enneagram was remarkably transformative for her and sparked her interest in the tool. But then she decided to move it into business through her ministry and pastoral counseling and care. 

“I came to realize that there are some very, very specific and nuanced themes that people struggle with and deal with in relationships. Once they become aware of them and realize that there are places they’re stuck and where they have superpowers they’re overusing which can crash into other people that they love’s nervous systems—that is where the money line is.”

Who does Leslie work with?

Today, Leslie works with individuals, couples, families, businesses and groups to help develop the self-awareness that’s necessary for us to heal, grow and optimize our relationships. She’s a speaker, consultant and workshop leader.

My family and I have had the privilege of working with Leslie on the Enneagram. So it is no surprise that I am delighted to have her here!

What is the Enneagram?

The Enneagram is a psycho-spiritual tool that helps us recognize what tells us a lot of things about ourselves, primarily where we’re stuck. 

There are nine types within the Enneagram. It identifies what your superpower or gift is that you’ve developed as your way of showing up. The ego needs a way to show up and feel valued and the Enneagram organizes that information into 9 buckets.

Think about B.F. Skinner and his work around positive reinforcement. As children, we need these gifts as our survival mechanism. This is a beautiful thing because we start learning where we fit in the world, and how we can move forward, strive, thrive, and survive. We lean into that and we get good at it. 

How does the Enneagram work and why does it matter to leadership and relationships?

In these nine types, there are nine different coping mechanisms or different ways of showing up and feeling valued. They are all necessary and good. 

What happens as we get older and our ego takes the wheel is that we fall asleep to all other possibilities of how we can show up, which is very limiting and in some cases can be damaging. 

And this is how our unique motivation is formed.

We show up into a family system that’s in action. The movie is already happening. The family system may be healthy, may not be, but your little baby self shows up. 

We start trying different things. We get assertive, stomp our feet, and yell. Because, again, this is pre-language and all we have to express ourselves are our actions.

You might get language back to you about being quiet, what the right thing to do is, or how you “should” behave. Perhaps you get non-verbal cues about what you should or should not be doing. Whatever the response is, our nervous systems are receiving this information and learning what to do to protect ourselves.

And from there, we learn what the reward system is which helps us develop our coping mechanism. The problem is, we don’t grow out of that or intuitively learn how to balance our gifts once we hit adulthood. That’s where the Enneagram comes in.

The Enneagram groups these coping mechanisms together in 9 different groups, which are categorized as Types. Each group has its own network of motivations and behaviors.

When we talk about our number (or our Type), think of it as your home base. It’s your superpower or gift, but it can also be your Achilles heel.

This is where we grow from. One of the dangers in Enneagram work (when it’s done too superficially) is it becomes our badge. We can begin to “blame” things on our Enneagram type instead of using it as a tool to inspire personal and professional growth.

First we get aware—80% of things can be changed simply with the awareness of them. And then the Enneagram gives you a roadmap for what to do with that awareness.

Brief introduction to the motivations of the 9 Enneagram personality types

What I love about the Enneagram is the whole idea that every single one of the nine types is a superpower—all of them are good. 

The Enneagram is so rich because it’s so positive. It is such a simple system, and yet you can get very deep with it as well.

There are essentially 3 tiers to the system: liberated, evolved, and restricted. When we’re at our most liberated or our most evolved, that’s when we are using our superpower to its five-star level. When we’re overusing our gift (think of it almost like an Achilles heel), that’s when we are relying on it too heavily, and we have to be aware. 

There is, in fact, so much to the Enneagram that we’ve decided to split it into two parts. What follows are the Enneagram basics for Type 8, 9, 1, and 2. 

Type 8

(Leslie and my husband are Type 8’s.)

Type 8’s superpower or gift

The Challenger or The Protector. They have big energy. (Often one that seems to say, “don’t mess with me!”)

8’s often grow up in a family system where they don’t feel safe. They perceive that no one has their back.

How are Type 8’s motivated?

Because they feel that no one is there to watch out for them, they challenge, they defend, they protect.

8’s are gut-motivated or instinctual, and are in the Anger Triad. Their anger is defensive in nature. It goes up and out of them.

Type 8’s should be aware of

An 8’s energy can be intimidating and almost suck the air out of the room. 8’s need to temper their voice. The answer isn’t to shut down completely—it’s to find the balance and wisely wield the skill of being the protector and the challenger.

Type 9

(Leslie’s husband is a Type 9)

Type 9’s superpower or gift

The Peacemaker or The Mediator. 9’s want to hold all the various viewpoints and not judge them.

How are Type 9’s motivated?

As children, 9’s perceive their voice as not valued. They shrink and quiet themselves. 

9’s are gut-motivated or instinctual, and are in the Anger Triad. But they push their anger to the side until they can’t any longer. And then it comes out passive aggressively.

Type 9’s should be aware of

9’s often feel like they can’t say “no” and they dislike conflict even though it’s actually a healthy and necessary part of relationships. The work here is in finding and using your voice.

Type 1

Type 1’s superpower or gift

The Reformer. 1’s can walk into a room and see exactly what’s wrong. They also have a pretty good sense of how to fix it (thanks to being instinctual).

How are Type 1’s motivated?

They want to do things “right” and will often be the first to answer a question or share their opinion. 

1’s are also in the Anger Triad and gut-motivated or instinctual. However, they swallow their anger until they become resentful.

Type 1’s should be aware of

When 1’s overuse their gift, their inner critic becomes very loud (both internally and externally). The challenge for 1’s is to let others speak and share their opinions so they feel heard and seen as well.

Type 2

(One of my daughters is a Type 2)

Type 2’s superpower or gift

The Helper or The Giver. 2’s are always there, they always show up. They have such a beautiful emotional IQ.

How are Type 2’s motivated?

2’s love helping and are often very busy! They can easily emotionally tune into a room.

2’s are in the Shame Triad and feel like they must do something to be loved, to matter, or to have value.

Type 2’s should be aware of

2’s need to stay in their lane. Boundaries are key for 2’s! They tend to share their opinions and thoughts (meaning to be helpful) without checking first that it’s what the other person wants and needs—or even asking if that would be helpful. 

Stay tuned for Part 2 and the rest of this conversation!

Next up…

Type 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7

In this episode, you’ll …

  • Understand what the enneagram is, how it works and why it matters
  • Find out how the Enneagram differs from other personality tools
  • Understand why the Enneagram is so popular for increasing self-awareness in family dynamics, team building, executive coaching, and marriages
  • Learn the super-power and coping mechanism of each of the nine types PLUS…
  • the insights I got about myself (even after years of personal growth) that have helped me improve my relationship with my husband and kids today!

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

motivated

How To Stay Motivated When You’re Just Not Feeling It

motivated

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

“How do we stay motivated in those moments when we just don’t feel like it?”

As entrepreneurs, leaders of teams, managers, bosses, and parents we all have times when we lose our motivation or lose track of the reason that we’re doing what we’re doing.  Moments when we’re ‘just not feeling it.’ And it’s real! We’re not always going to be in our peak zone. 

Today, I’m giving you a few simple shifts and practical steps so that you can return to your flow — especially in the moments when the pace is fast and the progress is slow. 

Those moments can be little blips or they can be extensive ones that last a week, a month or more!

  • The first of the shifts to return us to center is to allow ourselves to be imperfect. We have to allow ourselves to have those moments where we’re not feeling the feeling. And to be kind to ourselves when they happen. 

What would it look like to accept that your best today isn’t the same as your best on another day? To accept that we aren’t always at the same high level every day? 

One of the challenges we create for ourselves is that we have a resistance to imperfection. This costs us as we get lost in comparison and self attack. High performers tend to be particularly susceptible because they have created such high expectations on themselves. 

As we know, imperfection is an addiction to dissatisfaction because imperfection is impossible.

So on a day where you’re not feeling motivated and the road ahead looks long—embrace the messiness of it! Instead of suffering by fighting with reality, lean into the mess. As a young child my family and I loved to visit the ocean frequently.  It was then when I was taught that if I was ever caught in a current, to not resist but instead to go in the direction of the waves. We suffer when we fight reality in the same way when we go against an ocean’s current. 

  • Don’t underestimate those small actions that compound. 

When I first started having kids, I spent time resisting and fighting life. I suffered because I was fighting the reality that there were going to be interruptions in my day. Often it would leave me feeling irritable and angry and resentful at myself and others because I wasn’t able to get into the flow. Of course, I didn’t realize it was my expectations that were costing me. My belief that it should be some other way.  

When I began to accept it and work with it as opposed to spending the rest of my life fighting what was real, I was not only happier but more productive too. I started to embrace the law of The Slight Edge, which is that small things done consistently lead to significant results.   

It’s easy to see people who climb mountains and think that they achieved that goal in a week. But those who have climbed mountains have failed many times! They’ve taken a lot of steps over and over again and trained to get to that point.

It’s very easy, especially in this world of social media, for us to make up stories about other people. And especially easy when they are telling a story.

Remember: there is nobody like you! There is nobody that has your exact story. And to compare yourself is simply to be addicted to dissatisfaction and ensures you’ll stay out of your flow even longer.

Celebrate yourself in the moment! Acknowledge yourself—even in the imperfection. 

And don’t underestimate the fact that even though you can’t do everything, that you can’t do something.

One of the best practical steps is to say, “What’s the smallest thing I can do right now?” What can I do that will plant a seed or leverage something for myself today—in the smallest way? 

Some examples:

  • Pulling a file.
  • Locating a paper. 
  • Opening a book.

It doesn’t matter what it is! It’s about tuning in, slowing down, listening, and identifying that small action that you can take.

We know that 20% of what we do—the vital few things we do—lead to 80% of our results. 

When we’re aware of these few things we do, we recognize that we’re always—even though the lists seem long and the progress seems slow—able to take just the next step.

  • Train yourself to hold space for life’s curveballs. 

And by hold space, I mean leave more blank space. When we don’t do that, we set ourselves up to never expect that life is messy. 

By saving space for life’s messy moments, we stop allowing ourselves to constantly be set up for failure.  Instead we can ask ourselves…

  • How can we set ourselves up to succeed? 
  • Where do we need support? 
  • Where do we leave room to get support?

This leads me to another point… 

  • Consume support and use personal development to upgrade your life. 

Use these moments as a reminder—an opportunity—to seek out and receive support. Whether it’s paid or not! An expert or a trusted friend. Find those people and call on them.

I recently had a moment where I was getting hijacked by something. Some feelings were coming up about a big change and I thought to myself, “Okay, I need some support to process this and to get myself out of it.” 

I have a team of trusted advisors that I use in different capacities at different times. I always have my team to go back to to help me process things as they come up.

Who are your trusted advisors? Take a minute to locate them in your mind and maybe jot their names down on a piece of paper.

They can be:

  • a friend that supports you or holds you accountable 
  • a therapist
  • a coach
  • a community of people (maybe a Facebook group)

But whoever that is for you—you have them! You don’t have to do it alone. We cannot do it alone. 

  • Validate feelings vs avoiding them.

I can’t underscore enough the importance of us validating our feelings as opposed to “shoulding” on ourselves. You know—saying we “shouldn’t be feeling unmotivated today.” That’s the worst thing to do!

Your feelings are messengers. They’re there to tell you something. They’re there to guide you in a new direction.

So instead of telling yourself all the reasons this is inefficient and wrong and what else you should be doing—embrace the feeling and write it down. Maybe even journal about how you’re feeling. And be kind to yourself because there’s a part of you that’s feeling those feelings. 

This allows you to metabolize and process the feelings, as opposed to having them hijack you again tomorrow. 

  • We have to remember that our target is our purpose. 

Too often, we get consumed with our lists and what we ought to get done. Understand that your list will never get done. If it’s done, you’re dead. 

Shift your perception, your mindset, your definition of a “To Do” list and embrace that it gives you opportunity, possibility, and meaning. It’s all in how you define what that means.

  • If there’s still a “To Do” list, are you saying that you’re not enough? 
  • If there’s more to do or you haven’t responded, does that mean you’re inadequate? 

Be specific with and notice the stories that you tell yourself.

  • Protect your peace.

Probably one of the most important things that my clients do is that they are very protective of their state. They protect their peace, knowing that when they’re in the highest frequency of peace, they always perform at the highest level!

When you operate from the thought and belief that when you do what’s best for yourself, it’s always best for another. It’s not selfish.  It’s self-care.

Another question I ask myself and others regularly is, “If nothing were to change in my circumstances, what would I need to be at peace in this moment?”

Protecting our peace is how we maintain as successful entrepreneurs, masterful teachers, and positively impactful leaders. It’s actually our #1 job daily. 

Can you see how having these seven tools in your back pocket can prevent you from being completely hijacked when work or life gets complicated or messy?  

Remember it’s completely normal to have days when we feel off.  The important thing is to be kind to yourself and not give our struggles meanings they don’t have. Our messy days are not personal.  They are not a reflection of our worth.  They are simply life.  

Remind yourself that you are more ok than you think right now.  

Be generous.

And when you REALLY aren’t feeling it, one of the best things you can do is to perform a random act of kindness. 

Think of one way you can immediately make someone else’s life better. It helps us to get out of our own head and remind ourselves that we matter.  

Make sure that you stay in the game and finish what you started. 

There is only one YOU! There’s a reason you’re doing what you’re doing. Make your purpose your target—and don’t stop. 

We all have moments where we need to rest. And rest when you must, but don’t you quit. 

Give yourself permission to move with the flow and to embrace some of these practices. 

Much like a small change in a golfer’s hand on a putter can change the trajectory of the ball significantly, a few small habit changes in life’s messy moments, make a big difference as well.

Ask yourself…

What’s the smallest thing that I can do today to make a difference or make some progress or impact?

And then start making those small improvements right away to put some doable, positive habits in place that will upgrade your business and life!

The world desperately needs what you have to give.  

In these moments, continue to find joy, inspiration, self-improvement, and self-awareness. 

When you do, your business, community, and family all benefit! Thank you for being a part of this community.  Thank you for being you and being a bright light and leader in this world!

In this episode, I share:

  • Seven tools to remain steady (and return to flight) when we’re just not feeling up to what work and life need from us today
  • The mindset management high achievers use to maintain their motivation.
  • The most important question to ask in order to meet your daily #1 goal of protecting your peace   

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

How To Overcome Your Resistance To Work Less

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

Do you have a deep desire to work less but find it difficult despite how much you want to? 

You’ve heard the solutions:

  • delegate more
  • hire more people
  • get better technology or a smarter time management system

Any of these ideas can work temporarily. 

But what happens when you get the additional resources, or you finish the project, and you still find that you are working more than you want? 

Many of today’s driven high performers want to work less — and worry less when they do.  So why is it so difficult? 

There are 3 motivations that may keep you working hard instead of slowing down no matter how hard you try to make the change.

To break the pattern we have to accurately identify our true motivation or the problem will persist. 

Too often we attempt to solve this problem of working less with the wrong prescription. Then we get more critical of ourselves when we fail.

Even worse is we unwittingly teach the next generation to operate in the same manner — never slowing down — while also being absent from them.

It’s not your fault if you’ve gotten here. It is, however, your responsibility to change it.

 

Let’s look at the real reasons we have such a hard time working less without worry. It has everything to do with understanding our motivations.

The 3 motivating factors:

  • A deep desire for approval. Is your worth dependent on what you do?

Many of us believe our work validates our worth. And our culture has perpetuated the conditioning that we’re as good as our last accomplishment. 

I had a client tell me that his organization regularly states, “Remember, you’re only as worthy as your last result.”

This cultural conditioning starts when we are children. We learn that when we achieve, we receive praise and rewards. We  learn our value correlates with our accomplishments or achievements.

I was constantly overworked in my earlier days, attempting to please and perform for everyone. And it wasn’t until I was on short-term disability at a very young age that I realized it was a result of my belief that my worth was dependent on what I did. 

My unrelenting internal pressure to achieve, get approval, and feel worthy was what prevented me from working less. It took a breakdown of my body for me to see this.

  • A desire to feel in control

We can slow down and work less, which means we’re turning over control. Or so we think. We tell ourselves that others aren’t as capable as we are.  That they can’t do it as well as us. Then we prove it to be true by not asking, empowering or adequately training those who could help us.  

We don’t just fear everything will be out of control if we work less and we don’t have control. We also feel that if we don’t control, that might mean that another person becomes in control of us. 

Control can be a big motivator and the reason we won’t work less. When we feel a need to be in control and conquer, we can be assured we are going in the wrong direction.

  • A wanting to feel safe

We could lose things and that makes us not feel safe. We get worried that we’ll lose clients, that our companies won’t run as efficiently, we’ll lose money, we won’t be prepared enough for the next disaster—and on and on.  

So, our need for safety and security is there each step of the way, directing our next steps. It’s a very primal place from which to lead our existence.

We find ourselves working more and more, taking on additional responsibilities simply because we think that will keep us safe. But what often happens is that we work ourselves out of relationships, away from our kids, into a health crisis or other catastrophe which keeps us running for more safety.

If you’re someone who wants to work less and do so without worrying, know that what’s stopping you is not that you haven’t got the right people or the right strategy or that you just haven’t figured it out yet.

What keeps you from working less is that you’re being motivated in your stressed-out moments by a primitive want for approval, control, and/or safety.

It’s not a delegation problem or a strategy problem. It’s an approval, control, or safety problem. 

The worst part is that actually getting the amount that the brain needs to feel approved, in control or safe is impossible, because just like a drug – you need more and more to get your “fix.”

The only way to do that – you guessed it – keep working at it and never slow down.

It’s liberating to understand what is really at the root of the problem, as opposed to spending your days trying and failing to fix it only to get get engaged in more self-defeating talk. 

These motivators come from deep-seated conditioning and unwritten rules that we have made with ourselves that this is how we will survive and succeed.

Knowing we are doing it for one of these reasons—it doesn’t matter which reason—helps us to take the next right actions.

Whether it’s our need for approval, safety, or control—we’re operating from a source of fear versus trust. 

In that space of stress, negativity, and fear, we are always going to be performing at a fraction of what we’re capable of.

And because we are inherently operating from a place that’s dropping tons of cortisol and adrenaline into our body versus a place of peace, our well-being will always be a fraction of what it could be too.

Understand that none of these 3 motivations for approval, safety, or control are “bad.” 

It is simply that overusing them as a means to cope prevents us from achieving our goal: working less. 

Continuously ask yourself, “What is my motivation here?”

  • The first step is noticing these patterns or “catching yourself in the act.”. This simple act releases you from that negative conditioning.
  • Once you see the pattern, the next thing to do is to challenge its validity. 

For example, ask yourself, “Has there ever been a time when you were not working hard, and things still happened?” or “Have things gone just fine without me being in the center of it?”

Imagine the difference it would make in your life to put your energy into moving closer to your dreams versus those overused coping mechanisms (the desire for approval, safety, and control) that are holding you back.

We must rethink this cultural conditioning and the unwritten rule in our homes and organizations that say working hard creates success. 

Working less, achieving more, and doing so without worrying is 100% possible! 

It may be different, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. Just because you haven’t done it for the first half doesn’t mean you can’t do something different starting now.

If working less and continuing to be successful or achieving more is your desire for the year, I encourage you to look at which of the three coping mechanisms you may be overusing. 

Is it approval, control, or safety? 

What’s really behind your resistance to working less? That is the ultimate question. 

Then remind yourself that it’s only you who can make the choice and take the actions to change your life.

When you change your perspective, your reality changes.

These cups of approval, control, and safety are all meant to be filled inside—by you. Do not wait for circumstances and conditions external to you to fill them. 

Stop waiting for circumstances to line up so that you can work less. 

Look for areas in your life where you have tended to overcommit yourself or how often you’re expecting and preparing for bad outcomes.  

The bottom line is we’re not unable to work less for the reasons that we think. And when we can see that clearly and own it—we actually can work less and let go of worrying while we do.

If you’re ready to overcome the pressured pace while you improve performance and freedom contact me for a connection call.

It’s never too late to create a career that wows you and a life aligned with your priorities and aspirations.  When you clear where you are resisting your next level, you can become a magnet of tremendous happiness and success.

In this episode, I share:

  • The ways we are conditioned to work hard by our parents, role models, and society  
  • How to accurately assess what keeps us from slowing down so that you can change it
  • Three coping mechanisms that will prevent you from ever taking your foot off the gas
  • How to rethink and rewrite the unwritten rules so that you enjoy more time with your family, improving your health — or whatever else you want

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

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