Tag Archive for: life lessons

The Care and Nurturing of Meaningful Connection

As I headed into my hometown to be with my family for Thanksgiving, I saw a sign at the local cleaners that read, ”Until further notice…celebrate everything.” Amen, I thought. This year, has reminded me how temporary this life is.

While I drove I thought about the 41 individuals ranging in age from two to 82 who would gather around the table. There hasn’t been a year I’ve missed returning to be with them at Thanksgiving. To me it is home.

Just like any family we are a funny crew. We can’t possibly all believe, choose and do the same things. We all have different histories and stories and therefore different perspectives. We are in different seasons of our life. We have grown, experienced setbacks, missteps, pain and loss at different points and in different measures.

But despite these differences, we’re more alike than we are different. At least that’s where I put my attention. Others must too. There’s something that has so many of us returning as our families have grown.

What I’ve learned about family — and relationships in general — is that relationships run on rededication and recommitment. They don’t run well on autopilot. They require investment.

As I’ve moved between two homes and two states these last months, I’ve realized even more the importance of the care and nurturing of our relationships. That we must tend to them continually with love, kindness, and support. Like all living things, they will wither without proper feeding.

This year at Thanksgiving I knew we would all be feeling the heaviness of the loss of our beloved Uncle Ted around the Thanksgiving table. He always created a welcoming, compassionate, judgement-free zone. He seemed to know most people in life are just looking for a safe place to be themselves.

The truth is when we provide a safe place for others to be themselves and allow them to give that to us as well, we experience the true connection we all seek.

I’ve learned that our stories and the events in our lives may take twists and turns that pull our relationships in different directions, but we always have the opportunity to rededicate and recommit to them.

I am more aware than ever that one day these Thanksgiving celebrations will take another form. In the meantime — and until further notice — I will keep celebrating. I encourage you to do the same.

May this season be a time when we refresh the love and kindness we bring to each relationship, knowing that connection not only sustains us but provides us warmth on our coldest days.

Wishing you a season full of meaningful connections. I am grateful for YOU and our connection!

Warmly,

~Rita

Worthy of New Beginnings

I want to share a piece of wisdom I heard years ago that has stuck with me: “You cannot live your ideal life with your inner control freak in charge.”

It’s a simple yet profound truth that has been more relevant for me lately than I care to admit.

Busy achievers often don’t see themselves as controlling. We believe we’re just doing what needs to be done—achieving goals, performing at work, ensuring our families are safe and thriving.

But I’ve noticed something within myself: when plans don’t go my way, I tighten my grip instead of letting go. “This is how it should be,” I tell myself, resisting the flow of life.

Here’s the thing: life is brimming with infinite opportunities, people, places, career paths and experiences. Our rigid plans often blind us to the myriad possibilities surrounding us. We’re scratching the surface, while incredible realities hover just out of reach, waiting for us to claim them.

A soon to be empty-nester recently confided, “This isn’t where I planned to be. I didn’t expect it to be this way.” It’s a sentiment many have shared with me lately for a variety of reasons. This feeling is amplified by the belief that everyone else has a plan when ours has fallen apart.

But a perspective I embraced long ago is that if something isn’t happening, it’s not meant to be happening — at least not for now. Something else is better. Something that’s meant to expand us, something we can’t see yet.

Letting go of our plans can be incredibly challenging. The more someone tells me “no,” the more my subconscious mind wants to assert control. It’s usually because the unknown alternative scares me, pushing me out of my comfort zone.

I once bought a card I spotted in line at the grocery store with a simple but powerful message: “Sometimes good things fall apart so great things can come together.” I’ve held onto it for years, not because there hasn’t been someone who could benefit from its message, but because it’s a tough pill to swallow when your life plan goes awry. Despite its truth, it’s not a message I want to hear the moment my apple cart is turned over. It remains in my card drawer.

What I’ve learned time and again is that sometimes the very part of us that has helped us survive—by taking charge, planning the future, and driving determinedly according to plan—can be the same part that limits us from the awesome and infinite possibilities that we can’t yet see.

It can be difficult. The determination, drive, commitment and — dare I say — control that have helped us are now being beckoned to soften and rebalance in order to experience an awesome future. We’re being called to loosen our grip, let go, and trust.

What I am saying is that for many of us at this point in our lives, we are noticing a reassembling of our programs, stories and nervous systems. And on cue — as growth does — it rarely feels good.

The reality is life has a way of surprising us with illness, divorce, job loss, child challenges, or other unexpected events. What we know but tend to forget is that it’s not the events themselves but how we respond that shapes our future.

When your inner control freak is leading, it’s easy to want to resist feeling. After all, feelings are inefficient and can make us feel out of control.

I’ve learned, however, that grieving, crying, even shouting in my car, to a friend or therapist can be exactly what we need to release and get back into our flow. It’s essential to metabolizing this glorious, messy and bumpy roller coaster of life.

Once you feel the pain of an ending — unexpected or otherwise — look forward. Move into the unknown and step outside your comfort zone. Rebuild your life with faith that something better is already taking shape.

Remember, some of the hardest experiences become the biggest catalysts for change. Life’s unpredictability can be daunting and sometimes breathtaking. You are not alone. Start small to regain your footing: make your bed, take your supplements, drink a liter of water before 8:00am and take one step at a time.

Embrace the journey. One day, you’ll look back and be thankful that things didn’t go as planned. You’ll see that the life unfolding before you is far better than the one you envisioned.

Today, as we celebrate Father’s Day, let’s also acknowledge the fathers and father figures in our lives who embody resilience and adaptability. Let’s borrow strength knowing that they too likely experienced plenty of uncertainty and plans upended. Take a moment to appreciate the lessons they’ve taught us about letting go and trusting the journey.

Finally, remember this: You’re worthy of new beginnings and you’re more okay than you think you are. Keep the faith that the best is before you. It’s unfolding perfectly and on time according — perhaps not to your plan but — to your destiny!

All my best,

~Rita

A Simple Ritual To Close Out Your Year

It’s almost here!

There are just days before 2023 is in our rear-view window.

Before you say ‘goodbye’ to 2023, there is ONE thing for you to do before you ring in the new year and start making other plans.

Stop and look back at the fabulous things that have happened. It’s easy to overlook the amazing things you experience in our fast-driven world.

They are likely accompanied by some setbacks, disappointments, and losses too. That’s ok. It means you are in the arena and alive!

Take stock of it all to learn from the immediate past. Your observations, insights, and awarenesses. The ones you may not have caught without further reflection and introspection.

These experiences hold a treasure trove of wisdom IF you know how to find it.

You simply need the process to be a simple ritual. It will help you identify what it is you could do more of as well as what patterns of behavior cost you the most last year and need to be dropped as you head into 2024.

I call it the Post-Game Review and my clients and I do it every year to identify and record our one-sentence Success Formula.

All you need is a pen and ten minutes.

It’s pretty simple. It’s five steps. Here it is…

Step 1. Write down all of your “wins” and successes over the last year.

List 10-20 things that you achieved or experienced that make you feel good. Whether they’re large or small, own your best moments this past year.

Step 2. Now write down the mistakes or any setbacks you had in the past year.

What things didn’t go as well as you would have liked? Remember, those who don’t make mistakes, don’t create. Consider it a good thing to have this list.

Step 3. Next to every win and mistake, write down the “lesson” or the “gift” from each.

Nothing is a coincidence nor happens without reason or some value. What is the hidden meaning or opportunity from the experience? For example, if one of your wins was that you nailed a deliverable for a client or stakeholder, or conversely you made a mistake and didn’t get the help you needed to complete a project, the corresponding lesson might be the same: I am best when I identify and ask for the help needed to be successful.

Step 4. Look at your lessons and gifts.

What common theme do you see from both your wins and mistakes? Write down the 2-3 lessons that strike you as being most important to your wins and your mistakes. These may include things you want to keep doing or stop doing.

Step 5. Write your success formula.

Your final step is to write your success formula in one sentence. Write the 3-5 things that you see within the lessons that will be your directional beacon for success for the year ahead!

It’s fun and fast.

You may want to do this with a friend, family or team member! Creating meaningful conversation and support for those you care most about is a great exercise.

All my best to you in the year ahead!

~Rita

Embracing the Power of Simplicity

When I write you each month there are times I don’t know what I will say. Then I ask myself what I need to hear at this time. What advice or inspiration do I want to hear? What do I need to practice? It’s then that my message comes to me.

No matter how I looked for something profound, I kept returning to what may sound simple.

I received a note from a friend this week. I only get to see her a couple of times a year but I love being with her wit, intelligence, humor, and heart. She lost her husband to brain cancer a few years ago. Her three kids are the same ages as mine. She tells me I’m an inspiration to her, but it’s she who is an inspiration to me.

She reminded me that I had given her a book this past summer that made an enormous impression on her. She wrote that she recently gave another copy of that exact book to a friend whose son had just been placed in a psychiatric Intensive Care Unit as a result of his intent to harm himself.

She ordered the book to the family. The family was so moved by the book that they obtained permission for the boy to keep it in the ICU where he is otherwise allowed nothing.

The book is called The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy. If you haven’t read it yet, I encourage you to do so. If you have read it, you already know it’s good to read it again.

It’s a story about four different and unlikely friends — the boy, the mole, the fox, and the horse — who meet along the way, each uniquely sharing their fears, hurts, friendship, and kindness.

The book is for everyone from eight to eighty as the author accurately shares within its first pages.

I read the book again this week. You can finish it in one sitting. As I did, I jotted down parts of the conversation between the unsuspecting friends who spoke to me. I wanted to share some of those with you in the event that they might speak to you too.

“One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things.”

“Isn’t it odd? We can only see our outsides, but nearly everything happens on the inside.”

“Being kind to yourself is one of the greatest kindnesses.”

“Sometimes we all feel lost.”

“The truth is we are all just winging it.”

“Everyone is a bit scared, but we are less scared together.”

“‘What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said,’ asked the boy. ‘Help,’ said the horse.”

“When have you been at your strongest?” asked the boy. “When I have dared to show my weakness.”

“Life is difficult but you are loved.”

“Nothing beats kindness.”

“We are here to love and be loved.”

“When the big things feel out of control, focus on what you love right under your nose.”

Their conversation is simple — and profound. (Turns out those characteristics aren’t mutually exclusive.)

Unfortunately too often we humans tend to value the things that are big, complex, difficult, or grandiose.

We miss the magic of the small, easy, and simple exchanges in our everyday interactions. The things that are truly meaningful.

At this time of year, it is particularly easy to allow ourselves to get lost in the hype of big, difficult, and complex. “There’s so much to do,” we tell ourselves. We thereby cultivate the very existence we don’t want. We miss the parts that give life meaning.

This season I am committing to embrace more simplicity. To refrain from making things harder than they need to be and instead to connect more with others. To give a smile to a stranger. Share a favorite book with a friend. Say out loud the compliment I’m thinking in my head. Give my full attention to a child. Call a person who may be in need of a friend. Listen to where my intuition guides me.

In doing so, I know I’ll be in connection with the Divine, myself, and others. This is where life has meaning. This is what really fuels joy.

This week we began the sixth annual holiday drive for homeless students in my town. There currently are over 101 students in K-12 who are without a stable, adequate, or fixed home. We are looking to make sure each one of them goes home with something as they leave school to celebrate the holidays.

I like to think that perhaps their gift will remind them that they are not alone and that they are loved — even by strangers.

Keep it simple. We are all interconnected. Remember that your one small act of kindness may change — or save — a life.

And when life starts to feel heavy or unwieldy this season, I encourage you to open The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse and read a page. I am confident its simplicity and truth will return you to your center and the simplicity you crave.

As the holidays approach, may we set the intention and make the choices to allow for more simplicity, ease, calm, connection, and gratitude for what is right before us.

Sending much love-

~Rita

P.S. If you’d like to give to students without a home, you can Venmo a donation to @EWTeam or contact me directly to find out more. This year we are qualified to receive corporate gifts and donations from foundations. Thank you!