I recently heard this true story.

A poor man named John died.  Part of his life he had spent as a homeless man.

At his funeral his friends gathered.  Afterwards, some went back to his apartment to organize and collect his sparse belongings to sell at a garage sale.

There they found a painting on the wall to include in the sale.  Someone bought it and took it to an art dealer to see its value.  It turns out the painting was painted by an artist in the 1800’s.  The painting sold for $3 million.

John had been blind to see what he had.  He didn’t see the value and magnificence in himself and in turn couldn’t see other riches and opportunities he already possessed.   

While it seems incredulous and perhaps even a shame to hear John’s story, in many ways we do the same thing every day.

What gift, talent, or opportunity do you have at your hands that you are not willing to own, cultivate or receive?

What if you knew and no longer denied that you are sitting on a $3 million gold mine of talent, creativity and energy?  What would you do differently? 

What if you knew you were the best person in the world to bring that unique gift, message, product, or service, into the world?  What would you do –TODAY?

Would you sharpen your tools?  Commit yourself to mining for your gold?

You are not average.  You are not ordinary.  You are one of a kind, placed here at this time on purpose. 

You have gifts beyond measure to bring to your family, community, business and organization.  You are valuable.

Don’t let allow your gifts to go unused.  Someone else in the world needs what you have to give.

If you don’t know what they are, it’s time to become your own self-expert.

“It’s My Year” Life Class 2.0 starts January 14th.  It will help you identify what you are here for and how to experience the success, fulfillment, and impact you want –not in the future –in the next six months!

I’ll see you in January!

The basement floods.  You exit the store and notice someone scraped your car.   You get home and realize you left your wallet at the store.   Technology fails you at this inopportune time.  When you finally make it out for some “self-care” time, you get a call from the school nurse, “Your daughter threw up on the classroom floor.”

You know what I am talking about, right?

These are the days when the schizzle hits the fan.

What do you do?  What happens when the pressure is mounting and you’re in the ‘Schizzle Spin Zone?’

The goal is not to avoid these moments and judge ourselves when they happen.  We all know schizzle happens.

We can’t control everything, but we can control how we handle it.

The best goal in these times is to simply reduce the lag time between one of these moments and when we return to our personal best—our true self.

Doing this has become a new type of competition for me.  My goal is to reduce the time and thereby, the power I give over to such circumstances.

Recently, when I lost a complete and edited document hours before it had to go out, I removed myself from the spin in less than 30 seconds.  That’s a new personal best! I didn’t move from my computer.  I simply began typing it from scratch again.

My old way was to swim in the swamp.  I’d call others, dump, talk about how dreadful things are and get them to affirm that life is hard.

Now, as a recovering drama-queen (definition: one who feeds and gets sustenance from chaos), I’ve learned it doesn’t work to spin in the proverbial shizzle.

I am not a master, but I am a master student of not allowing these moments to control me.  That’s a good thing.  Because these days with three kids, a primarily technology run business, and a travelling husband schizzle happens.

Here’s what you can do the next time the schizzle hits the fan in your world.

Step 1- Get it out!  Trying to hold back what you really feel is the equivalent of emotional constipation.  It is going to come out.  Let it.

The feelings are neither going to kill you nor do they mean you are spiritually un-evolved.  You are human.  Get angry.  Cry.  Call a trusted friend who will listen and not seek to solve.   One of my favorite tools is to shout it out to the bathroom mirror.

I had one of these days recently.   It caught me off guard.  I confided in my mother.  Typed an email to my “sister.”   Then I told off the bathroom mirror.  Surprisingly, within an hour I was back on course.

Step 2- Time limit.  Sometimes it’s not that easy.  It may take longer to return to center.  Give yourself a time limit of how long you’ll allow yourself to fester.  Be generous but not too generous.

Step 3 – Remind yourself “This is temporary.”   Years ago when I was in a job I hated, I wrote these words on an index card and set it on my desk. With this reminder, I was able to re-direct my energy to contribute to a solution rather than stew in the dilemma.

Step 4 Take a time out. Drop everything.  Stop holding yourself to the same standards when it is not your best day.  Give yourself permission to have an “average day.”  Let go of your agenda.  Ask what your spirit needs, listen and act on it.  Take yourself to lunch. Go to a movie or a batting cage.  Mix it up.

Step 5 “Next.”  Move on.  Pain happens.  Suffering is a choice.  The past is history.  Be more interested in what’s next.

Each day we’re given a certain amount of energy.  How we choose to use it is within our control.

The good news is tomorrow is a brand new day, and I’m setting my intention that it’s a ridiculously amazing one!

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology which uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

Last week I sat with a former football champion.   “MVP”, “Hall of Fame,” and “Ivy League” were words peppered throughout his biography.   He still physically looks like a competitive athlete, but I could quickly tell he’d lost his champion state of mind.

Three weeks into a new job, he is worried he made the wrong choice.  His anxiety keeps him awake at night.  He told me he is short on patience with his family, and the stress is negatively affecting his relationships—the most important thing in his life.

His request:  “I want to know what to do next.  I want to know if I made the wrong decision by taking this job, and I want to find a career I am passionate about.”

What do you do when the pressure is high, your self-doubt is in overdrive, and you wonder if you will ever feel confident again?

Is this you?

Maybe you lost your job and worry you’ll never find one that you like or one that pays you what you want.

Maybe you started a new job and you’re afraid you won’t succeed.  

Or maybe your company is experiencing financial pressure and it’s dependent on you to save it.

You may be spinning so fast, you don’t know where to begin.

****

I asked the former football champion, “Did you ever go out on the field and imagine losing as you were warming up?”

He looked at me as though I was crazy, laughed and said, “no way.”

“Then why would you do it in this new game you are starting?”  I could see he could relate to this line of thinking, so I continued.

“Before we can get true answers to your questions, we have to get you thinking and operating like a champion again. “

Why?  Getting your champion mindset loaded is like getting your uniform on and your equipment ready.  It sets you up to be able to identify the work you are passionate about where you can maximize your talent and impact.

If uncovering your ideal work is what you want more than anything, here are the first 10 steps to bring forward your champion state of mind.   

1. See things as they are, but not worse than they are.  Don’t write your own nightmare.  99% of our worries never happen, but we buy into them and make our decisions as if they will.  Your mind cannot get your body to move when it is stuck in a story that is terrifying and depressing.

Commonly created nightmares:

#1 You lose your job and imagine never getting another. Then you lose your home and have to live on the streets. 

#2 You get the new job you wanted, you fail, get fired and the kids have to give up their extracurricular activities.  You lose your home in this nightmare as well.

Your solution:  Get real with the likelihood of your worse-case scenario happening.   You will find it is either completely unlikely or you can deal with it if it did happen. 

Doing this frees up space for a new story and you’ll be able to start hearing your creative solutions.  Just because you are down in the 3rd quarter, doesn’t mean you are going to lose the whole game.

2. Believe your best times are before you.   Your next half is your best half.  What would that look like to be true?  Imagine it’s halftime and you are the coach. What would you tell them?   If you don’t know Google Lou Holtz from Notre Dame and watch one of his inspiring halftime talks.

3. Expect to win. In fact, don’t entertain not winning.  Your mind is like a movie screen playing 24/7.  Whatever movie is playing, your subconscious mind believes and takes literally.  That’s why if you repeatedly see yourself as someone who has made bad decisions, is not achieving enough compared to others or whose prior success was just luck, your subconscious mind feels the stress AND will seek to create just that.  Yikes!  Instead win in your mind first and you will win with your clients, team and family.

4.  Celebrate every small win.  What you focus on expands.  Train your mind for success.  Grab a stack of neon post-it notes.   Write 25 ‘wins’ from your past on each.  Post the notes on the wall in front of your computer or in a notebook (like I do).  Reference your successes daily and ADD to them—no matter how small.

5. Compare yourself ONLY to your personal best.  Michael Jordan, a true champion, said that throughout his years he didn’t compare himself to others.  He compared himself to his own personal best.  Self-judgment and criticism which often come from comparing oneself to others leads to anxiety and fear.  Anxiety and fear translate into sleepless nights, depression, and no progress.  Look at your personal bests so far.  Identify what mindset and actions accounted for them.  This is your success formula.  Use it again.

6. Trust that you are EXACTLY where you are meant to be.  This brings you back to the present.  You may not see the opportunity in your circumstances right now, but be open to finding it.  When you change your perspective from the past or the future to the present, you open yourself to creative solutions, change and real results.

7.  Be your own quarterback.  Own the game.  Don’t be victim to it. Take it into your own hands.  When you’re throwing the football, you don’t look at the opponent who may intercept your ball.  You look at your target.  You own the target.  Do the same with your career.  Pursue your target.

Scott Dinsmore asks, “What work can you NOT do?”  Identify it.  Call the play, and drive it.  Be bold enough to try it.  Overthink it or waver with self-doubt and self-defeating thoughts, you will get sacked.

8. Don’t give up.  Even if you have extreme stress or crisis in your life, you have two choices.  You can let it take over you or you can get more emotionally fit.  Use the challenge, pain, and crisis to get stronger.  My most painful moments have also been my game-changing (interpret life-changing) ones.  They made me dig deep and find out who I am.  I often tell my clients that pain is perfect because it’s calling you to put a stake in the ground and consciously choose to re-vamp your future.

9. Create a compelling future.  Don’t live to survive this moment.  See what it looks like to you to thrive.  Get exc’ited about where you are headed.  What is happening?  Who is in your life?  What are you elated about creating for yourself and others?  What impact have you made?  If you can’t see your compelling future yet, make sure you are signed up at www.ritahyland.com to get my blog post next week.  That’s when we’ll provide you with the steps to uncovering your ideal work.  There will be a free download in there for you as well.

10. Take the leap. Push it.  Keep moving forward.  We all need to grow to feel alive.  Don’t give up.  Get stronger.  Take your next step.  Use your team or create a new one to support you.

Remember this:  You have it within you to be a champion.  Think like one.  Act like one.  Be one.  

Once you have a champion mindset you will be able to gain access to your true gifts and ideal work, and you will be able to maximize your impact.

May this time of your life, be the prime of your life!

Warmly and enthusiastically,

Rita

“What if I beat myself up for not being enough yet?” This was the question from a participant in my recent “It’s My Year” Class.    

 “Every night, I review my day and I’m annoyed that I haven’t accomplished more. Then I start the shame game. I know it’s bad for me, yet I repeat the process the next day. How can I stop?”

Self-criticism is not unusual. We ALL have feelings of unworthiness at times. This comes from years of programming as children and absorbing beliefs from our culture. But when we go to bed with these feelings, they poison how we live, love, and lead.

We have outrageous standards for judging our worthiness, and the benchmark moves further away as we reach our goals. The life we live now, the one that was once a dream, is not enough AGAIN. This mind game makes it impossible to ever be satisfied.

Are you in the habit of judging yourself for not being or doing enough? The good news is that if you’re aware enough to know this, you can change. In fact, if you dig deeper  to understand it. Maybe your inner critic unknowingly ‘helps’ you, serves you in some way.

For example, my class participant procrastinates on completing a slew of tasks she calls her “pile.” I asked her what she sees on the other side of it. If she completed the tasks, what would she do next?

Her answer: “Then I’d have to figure out what I really want, and that thought completely overwhelms me. So I keep myself busy with the pile.” She suddenly saw how, in a convoluted way, it worked for her to criticize herself nightly.

Once she realized this, she dug even deeper. Keeping the “pile” was painful because she’d never know the experience of living fully. Completing the “pile” would force her to uncover her desires and show up. That meant risking failure and rejection.

Both results scared her, but now she can consider other choices.  You can’t solve a problem until you know what it is.

The next step, addressing her feelings of unworthiness, would be trickier. Real self-transformation occurs only when we experience an internal shift in perception. We will talk more about that next time. Meanwhile, you can use these five secrets to shift your perception of not being enough.

1. Put a flashlight on it. Ask yourself, “How does this situation work for me?” Casting light on our fears and feelings of unworthiness is a powerful way to destroy the tapes repeating in our mind.

2. Expose the inner critic.  Give it a face and name. Mine looks like the Tasmanian Devil from an old kid’s cartoon. He jumps up and down for attention and tells me, “What you’re writing doesn’t matter.” “Nobody is interested.” “You can’t write.” I let him have his tantrum and move on to doing my best work. I don’t try to kill his commentary. I simply don’t internalize his words.

3.  Accept where you are. Stop thinking you should be someplace else, because when you do, you bring your energy way down. In turn, you get more of what you don’t want.  Stop fighting reality. It sounds contradictory, but by not fighting, you transfer that energy into creativity, innovation and change.

4.   Stop the comparison game. Whether you compare your present to your past or yourself to others, it keeps you from influencing your Now. Both destroy happiness. Too often we romanticize the past and miss our current bounty. And in today’s world it’s easy to get caught up in social media, magazines, and other ways of comparing your life to others. This is energy you could use on improving your business, parenting, and life.

5.  Choose your words.  They create your reality. Instead of “I’m not enough because I haven’t done X yet,” change your daily reminder to “I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far.” When you are ready to go deeper,  remind yourself “I’m amazing simply because I exist.” While the latter  may seem a radical shift in self-talk, it works.  Operate from the place that “I don’t have to do anything. I get to.”

Try these and let me know which tool worked best for you. I’d also love to hear what you’ve done to quiet your inner critic.

The world needs your gifts and talents. Let’s get off the sidelines and into the arena together. I’ll see you in the game. 

Love and success,

Rita

P.S.  Are we connected on Facebook?  Let’s make sure we are.

Guest Blogger: Diane Scheurell, PhD.

I totally understand your frustration about the path you are on.  I’d love to help with some thoughts on how to change your direction.  Many people have asked me, “How did you do it?  How did you retire early and move to Hawai’i?”  And even before I retired they’d ask, “How is it that you are so happy with life?”  I had one colleague that accused me of not only seeing the glass as half full, but always overflowing.  What’s wrong with that?

I even gave a lunch seminar to my people at work, just before I retired.  I called it Tools to Obtaining Your Dreams.  I had a number of people ask me for my magic formula.  But it’s not magic.  It’s a set of tools I use.

The key to my successful transition from being stressed out and unfulfilled executive to achieving my life’s goals was the work I did with Rita, starting in 2004.  She was the gal that my boss sent me to see after he gave me a ‘needs development’ performance review.  I was devastated.  Happily for me, he figured I needed some support after that.

Rita was wonderful.  Officially she was my executive coach, but in actuality, she was my life coach.  Our conversations were all about me, my needs, my aspirations.  I love her!  I’m a Rita Groupie!  I wound up sending a bunch of my people to her as well.  She had a profound effect on my whole department; we called it “Rita Run-off.”  To this day I’m still in touch with her, and she continues to give me encouragement to live life to the fullest.

You don’t actually have to work with a coach to do this, but I’d recommend her in a heartbeat.  Here’s a condensed version of the work we did, or rather, the work I did while seeing her.  For me it ended with knowing what I wanted out of life, and then developing a plan to get there.  But let’s start with the beginning and some background work – a way of thinking.

First, you have to stop thinking about what you don’t want, because the Law of Attraction shows that you get what you think about.  So turn those negative thoughts into positive statements.  Think about what you DO want.  Instead of “I hate my boss,” think “this boss is giving me the push I need to do something different.”

Speaking of the boss, here’s another tool: QTIP: Quit Taking It Personally.  Your boss or whoever is driving you crazy, is really in their own head – what they says to you is not about you.  So you can afford to smile when they shows up in your office, take a deep breath, and listen compassionately.   And be sure to give yourself a mental “Atta girl/boy” when they walk out.

My favorite tool to combat negative thoughts was one Rita called “What’s the worst that can happen?”  An exercise for the lows of life’s roller coaster, she had me carry out this argument to its logical or emotional conclusion.  Basically, you take one of your worries and keep asking the question “if it came true, what’s the worst that can happen?”  Ask yourself that same question to your answer, and so on.  You might find, as I did, that eventually your answers take you to a place you know can’t be true, or take you to a place where what could happen, is much easier to bear than the constant worry.  Either way, the conclusion always seemed to reveal a result that was not as threatening as the initial worry.  Try it.

Second, you have to trust that what you DO want, CAN happen to you.  Open your mind to the possibility of something great happening.  Stop being skeptical.  If you do catch yourself saying something negative, say CANCEL.  The Universe will give you more of what you are thinking about, so be positive and trust it can come true.  This is true for anything you want to manifest.  Practice on the little stuff before you tackle what you want out of life.

Then, beyond believing it can happen, you have to ask for it.  Ask the Universe or God or your Higher Power for what you want.  The key here is to think about What, not How.  Don’t worry about how it could possibly happen.  That’s God’s problem.  Just focus on what you want, and not just through thinking.  Draw a picture or write it down describing as many aspects as you can.  Be specific.  Embrace the bliss of the anticipation.

When you receive it, be grateful.  In fact, start being grateful every day for what you already have, for all of your current blessings.  Dig deep and go with small blessings if you can’t think of any big ones, but be as specific as possible in your gratitude.  I recommend you write them down in a journal.  The act of writing makes those blessings more concrete to you.  I’ll bet you are in a better mood after you write down all the good things in your life.  That’s part of the point of doing it.

Some of you may be scoffing.  All I can say is that this process is a big part of what enabled me to retire and move to Hawai’i.  I still use this.  I’ll give you a small example.  I knew I would be getting company for the holidays and I needed a sofa bed to accommodate them.  So I wrote out all my requirements and even told a friend – further commitment to my goal.

The following weekend I went to Kona, and we stopped off at my favorite furniture store.  There it was, at the back of the store, on sale.  I went down my list – the couch had everything.  I talked them into knocking an additional $200 off, and it was delivered on the following Wednesday.  My friend came over to see it.  “It’s perfect!  It’s exactly what you said you wanted – you manifested this sofa!”  Yes, these tools work.

This is just a small sample of the tools I learned from Rita and continue to use.  Ask her some time about writing the movie of your next five years or responding to the following statement: “Six months from now when I am wildly successful, I will…”  She will have you digging deep, compelling you to answer questions you never considered, and taking leaps that challenge even the courageous among you.

Remember: Trust – Ask – Accept with Gratitude.  Then expect good things to happen.  Much Aloha, Diane

Diane Scheurell, Ph.D., has been writing all her life, but always in the context of her corporate positions.  In 2011 she retired from corporate life and moved her family from Wisconsin to the Big Island of Hawai’i.  She now has an editing business (see www.ParadiseEditing.com) and blogs about using her manifestation tools, adapting to life in rural Hawai’i, developing community roots, and dealing with free-running neighborhood chickens.  (See www.ManifestingParadise.com.)