Tag Archive for: emotions

From Disappointment to Power: Mastering the Art of Bouncing Back

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

Hi friend! How do you bounce back after people let you down? When a family member, boss, organization, or even institution disappoints you? Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot in my conversations about people letting us down and the ongoing fallout of those disappointments.

In this episode, I’m sharing the four-step process to understand your disappointment and help you manage it so you can have what I call a good bounce-back rate. That is, the time between the disappointment and getting back to your centered and best self. Whether you’ve been recently let down or are preparing for future challenges, these steps will guide you to navigate and recover from disappointments gracefully and protect your well-being so that you don’t suffer or becoming hardened by the initial disappointment.  

After all, the worst thing that can happen after someone else’s disappointing behavior is that we become or play smaller. 

Understanding Disappointment

Disappointment is a natural emotional response when our reality does not align with our expectations. Whether it’s a missed opportunity, a betrayal, or an unforeseen challenge, disappointments commonly catch us off guard. 

For example, a client of mine recently discovered that another executive officer had secretly set up multiple fake businesses on the company ledger. The leader had been stealing several million dollars from the company over the last few years. She was completely blindsided by this revelation. Not only had she been let down but she also felt violated, realizing she had unknowingly facilitated some of his altercations. 

The Four Archetypes of Disappointment Responders

The feeling of disappointment can be unsettling and can really trip us up. However, by understanding and recognizing our default response to disappointment, we can proactively navigate those emotions more effectively before they hijack us.

Here are the four general responses I see when it comes to disappointment:

  1. Retaliator

The Retaliator wants to get even. When someone disappoints or hurts them, they feel compelled to make the other person feel hurt as they have. This approach unfortunately drains valuable energy, keeping the individual stuck in anger and ultimately does more harm than good.

  1. Fixer

The Fixer believes they are the one that can “fix” or change the person who disappointed them. They may invest inordinate time trying to change the other person’s behavior. This is often seen in in relationships where one person hopes that the disappointment is a one-time event and not a reflection of the others values or lack of care or concern for them. Despite this good intention, this often leads to more repeated disappointment and exhaustion.

  1. Self-Protector

In response to being hurt, the Self-protector builds walls to prevent future disappointment. They create rigid rules, withdraw trust, and become hardened. While this may feel like safety for them, it ultimately limits connection and vulnerability.

  1. Self-Actualized Leader

This is the most evolved response. The self-actualized leader acknowledges disappointment, processes his emotions, actively works to manage their emotions, and quickly returns to their centered and best self.

Four Steps to Reclaim Your Power After Disappointment

Now that we understand the disappointment and its common responses, let’s discuss how to move through it effectively and empower yourself after feeling let down.

Step 1: Acknowledge the Disappointment

Pretending something isn’t disappointing won’t make it go away. You have to feel it to heal it. Instead of constantly avoiding, allow yourself to express your feelings. Write about them, talk to someone, or process your feelings in whatever way feels right. The more you acknowledge your emotions, the less power they hold over you.

Step 2: Don’t Make it Mean Something

One of the biggest mistakes we make is assigning meaning to a disappointment that isn’t there in the first place. If someone lets you down, it doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t good enough, valuable, or worthy. It also doesn’t mean that everyone of a certain group or identity is that way. Remember, people’s actions are shaped by their own experiences, not yours. Avoid making assumptions and resist the urge to take things personally.

Step 3: Reclaim Your Mental Space

Ask yourself this question: “What can I do to stop this from taking up more real estate in my mind?” The disappointment has already taken something from you— don’t let it take more. Reclaim your power by shifting your focus toward what truly matters: your well-being, your priorities, and your future.

Step 4: Start From Where You Are Now

The most powerful phrase I tell myself is: “Start from where I am now.” This simple shift brings you back to the present moment, allowing you to move forward without being weighed down by the past. What’s done is done; you need to accept it, and the best thing you can do is decide how to take charge of your response moving forward.

Bonus: The Power of Letting Go

I do this anytime I’m not at peace when I feel irritated or disappointed by someone. In my mind, I wish the other well. Sending them with love is freeing and cuts the cords of disappointment or irritation. And in return, you also set yourself free because you can’t be angry and give love at the same time.

Cultivating Resilience and Inner Peace

Disappointment will come whether we like it or not, but you have the power to determine how much it impacts you. How fast you bounce back.  Acknowledge it, process it, and choose not to give it more energy than necessary. You are too important and too needed to stay stuck in disappointment.

What matters is your state of mind and how quickly you can bounce back to your center because you are always attracting your current state to you.

In this episode, I share how:

  • Understanding disappointment and its impact helps you manage emotions and control the power you give it.
  • To process your response to disappointment and consciously choose to move forward.
  • To reclaim your power and protect your peace by intentionally shifting your mindset, setting boundaries, and returning to your most grounded self.

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

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About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Inside Out Method, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

feelings

Feeling Your Feelings So They Don’t Run You

feelings

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

 

What if you could change the unwanted patterns of behavior and nagging feelings that you may feel you are stuck with? 

Let’s face it. On a daily basis we can experience a LOT of big emotions. Life is full of them. Yet we’ve grown up in a culture which tends to encourage rising above, compartmentalizing and dismissing uncomfortable feelings altogether. 

A few years back I was struggling with anxiety and I used the two practices that I am going to share with you today to overcome my anxiety and kick some bad habits that I wasn’t aware were a result of my not allowing myself to feel certain emotions. Habits that were having a negative effect on my health and on my most important relationships.  

The problem is when we don’t tend to our feelings, they start to run us. We may make choices to avoid the feelings in ways that usually become addictions and also that cause us more stress, wreck our relationships, inhibit our peace of mind as well as limit any chance of high performance.

What I learned is this:  

If you run from your feelings, your feelings will run you. 

I can say that now, but I wasn’t aware of it at the time. 

What frees us and allows us to improve our well-being, most important relationships and performance is actually being able to feel our feelings instead of denying them.  

Before I share the practice to help you release the intense, often reactive and big feelings that may be unknowingly wreaking havoc without you knowing it, let’s first address some common myths and misconceptions about emotions.

You can’t use logic to figure your way out. 

The reality is that we can’t outrun our emotions. We can’t figure our way out of them. They demand to be acknowledged and felt.

This can be very tough for fast-driven leaders who are used to getting things done in a linear, logical, strategic manner. Feeling feelings isn’t logical. It likely won’t feel efficient.  

Logic, rational thought and understanding can only go so far to return you to the peace that, as a leader, I imagine you want right now. 

What’s really important to know is that feelings drive the show. And that logical thinking can’t do much about it.

~~~~~~

What we resist persists.

You know better than to fight against a wave’s current. Its strength will knock you down. 

The same is true of our emotions.  We can fight them but eventually, the fight of ignoring or pretending they don’t exist will have its way with us.  

Denying that we are feeling something, only makes the feeling amplify and is exhausting. It’s liberating to acknowledge what we are truly feeling so that they don’t unwittingly run us. 

In other words, if you don’t take the time to be honest about the feelings that are leading to unwanted patterns of behavior—the emotions will continue to run you.

Feelings can move through you once you acknowledge them.

The funny thing about feelings is that once we recognize them for what they are and feel them—their mission is complete. And just like riding a wave, it comes toward you, moves through you, and keeps on going.

We often fear feeling the feelings because we worry that we’ll be overcome by them. But when we acknowledge them we no longer are in a fight and they release.  

Now here’s the practice. There are two ways to approach it to help you move through the emotions that are keeping you stuck

Notice. The next time you’re having an uncomfortable feeling — pause. Notice the feeling. You may be most aware of it when you’re about to engage in a pattern of behavior that attempts to numb out the feeling (e.g., grabbing a drink, overeating, or stepping out to do more work). Stop and feel the feeling for 90 seconds. Simply breathe and be with the feeling. It takes two forces to fight. 

Journal. Grab your journal and write whatever it is you’re feeling. Take two to five minutes and write—don’t edit. Allow the feelings to come up and onto the paper.  

In this episode, I share:

  • Why our resistance to feeling our feelings runs us
  • How to calm your nervous system and let go of the coping mechanisms that are no longer working for you
  • An actionable daily practice to prevent you from reacting to work and life’s stressors
  • How to uproot behavior patterns (including addictions) that no longer serve us 

Resources and related episodes:

 

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

christina woods

How To Break the Habits That Limit You with Hypnotherapist Christina Woods

christina woods

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

In 2019, I was attacked by two men in a parking lot. After this experience, I began to respond to harmless situations as if they were dangerous. For example, when I would walk out of a door at a department store and someone was standing there, I’d respond as if I was being attacked. 

Because of this, I became fascinated with the subconscious mind. Shortly thereafter, I discovered hypnotherapy, a form of therapy that talks to the subconscious mind in a way the mind listens. After trying hypnosis, I found I was calmer and the old triggers no longer set me off.  And this was not just as it related to the attack but in other areas of life where I felt anxious or guilty for reasons that were not logical. 

I found hypnotherapy to be a remarkable way to create profound behavioral change and began using it with my clients too.  The results they saw were profound. 

That’s why I was excited to have Christina Woods join us for this episode. Christina is a licensed Rapid Transformational Therapist®, clinical hypnotherapist, empowerment coach, and reiki master. She combines her background in corporate leadership with her life experiences in dealing with trauma and abandonment to empower other women to trust their intuition and set themselves free of self-doubt.

As the CEO and Founder of Wise Woods Hypnotherapy and Coaching, Christina has extensive experience working on complex challenges and pulling potential out of others so they can become even more extraordinary.

95% of what we think about ourselves, how we perceive the world, and how we feel comes from our subconscious. 

Hypnotherapy allows us to quiet our conscious minds to tap into our natural subconscious state and get to the root cause of the behavior, pattern, or feeling we’re experiencing. 

“It’s like gardening – you don’t just chop everything off the top, you literally need to pull out the root, or it’s just gonna keep growing.” – Christina Woods

Hypnotherapy is becoming more mainstream as people begin to realize the power of our minds. Everyone from doctors, lawyers, and athletes to stay-at-home mothers are now using hypnotherapy to shift how they view past experiences so that they can rewrite the stories that no longer serve them.

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood if that wasn’t what you had. You can literally rewrite your story.” – Christina Woods

Our habits and patterns of behavior today are often determined by experiences we remember from the past. Sometimes we’ve interpreted events in a way that causes us to become emotionally stuck. These moments that we attach meaning to often stem from our childhood. 

“To be able to look at that now and say, ‘Oh, they had to pick me up late because they actually had two jobs and were trying to get there on time. Wow, I can see how much they loved me and were trying. They were doing their best now, but at the time, I was the last kid picked up in the dark. It felt like nobody cared about me then.'” – Christina Woods

Trauma is like a tight muscle; hypnotherapy allows you to release that tightness so the blood can get through and start circulating again. It enables you to understand what is blocking you and reframe these memories so your subconscious can release them. When you begin to acknowledge and process one experience, it can have a ripple effect and positively impact other areas of your life.

——

The Epidemic Of Not Feeling ‘Enough’ 

We live in a world of comparison and keeping up with the Joneses. Social media has wired us to never feel good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, and even spiritually enough.

Christina has found that most of her clients feel this way because somewhere along the line, they stopped trusting themselves, stopped listening to their inner voice, and gave away their personal power.

“If I get that raise, if I do this thing, if I look that way, then I’ll be enough. […] When we do that, it’s never enough; it’s a constant chase.” – Christina Woods

When we feel inadequate, we break down and fail to set boundaries, leading to resentment and a cycle of negative emotions. 

Christina’s solution is to not only find the inner voice and believe that you’re already enough but to truly feel and become the person that already has what you desire.

Most of us start backward by saying, “I’m going to do this, then I’ll have this, so then I’ll be happy.” What we really need to do is start at the frequency in line with what we want so that we can naturally decrease the cognitive dissonance between our thoughts and actions. We need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable so we’re not unwittingly self-sabotaging.

“It’s easy to become the over-doer, the hustler, the victim, one of these archetypes, when we’re trying to be enough.” – Christina Woods

This memorized state can become so ingrained in us that we wonder why we can’t change or why we keep returning to the same place, even when our external circumstances change. 

Breaking the habits that limit us from the change we want requires that we work with the subconscious mind in the way the subconscious listens.

Christina’s Practical Tips For Reprogramming 

The Morning Ritual

Christina’s approach extends beyond in-person hypnosis sessions. To start reprogramming the subconscious, she recommends a morning routine incorporating stillness and self-reflection, even for just a few minutes. Journaling and meditation are simple but effective ways to listen to your mind without distraction.

  • Journaling – An easy prompt to start with is ‘I, (your name), feel….’
  • Meditation – If you’re new to meditation, start with a couple of minutes per day. Think of a moment in the last 24 hours when you felt calm or positive, close your eyes, and allow that moment to move through you. This exercise can also be used when you’re feeling triggered.

In this episode, Christina shares:

  • The importance of understanding and reframing traumatic experiences that can block you from moving forward in your life
  • How hypnotherapy helps to tap into your subconscious and uncover the root cause of beliefs, emotions, and behaviors
  • What you can expect in a hypnosis session and ways to start reprogramming your subconscious today

Connect with Christina:

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

Why You Want A Gratitude Game Plan

You can listen to the full podcast episode here:

At one point or another, you’ve likely told yourself – once I get this, or achieve this, or experience that, then I will be happy. You convince yourself that if this one event takes place, your happiness will follow. You aren’t alone in this thinking. We’re all guilty of it. It’s what we’re taught by society. You’ve probably figured out by now that it doesn’t work like that. Not in science, not in physics, not anywhere!

What if I was to tell you that science can show you how to easily raise your baseline of happiness by upwards of 25%? Would you want to know how? There’s one thing that can do that. It’s gratitude. Gratitude is what fuels our happiness, yet so many people don’t practice it because they don’t understand how it works. Luckily, science demonstrates its miraculous return on investment. By actually feeling the emotion of gratitude, you hit buttons in the brain that have the ability to get more of what you want to experience.

In this episode, I share:

  • A life changing 5-step gratitude game plan to use in your business and at home 
  • Why you shouldn’t let your brain “roam” and how gratitude can reign it back in
  • The powerful shifts that occur when we operate in a constant state of gratitude
  • How to identify gratitude, even during challenging times
  • The important link between gratitude and frequency every leader must know

Resources: 

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology which uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

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