Listen to the full podcast episode to learn what your exceptional solutions to daily problems are missing and what you must do BEFORE your best ideas are ever heard by people at work, at home, and in all areas of your life.
This may be a tough question, but have you ever found yourself wondering why are people not listening to your super strategy? Maybe you’ve offered several stellar solutions at work and are even delivering high performance, but you’re still not being advanced? Or maybe you’ve told your kids exactly what they need to do to clean up after themselves at home, but nothing’s changing. If you know you can solve a big issue with a great solution, but you’re finding resistance from others, you’re in the right place.
Here’s the thing: it’s likely not that your solutions aren’t great. The problem is actually a common one I see with many top talented individuals when it comes to solving problems at home, at work, and in other areas of their lives.
Too often the problem begins in our approach to solving a problem. We tend to approach problems with a mindset that believes that not only does the problem need to be fixed, but so does the other person. When we approach others as something that needs to be corrected, we’re leading from what is called a “Heart at War.”
We feel we know better, that we are better, and that we deserve better. We then approach the other person from a place that’s filled with judgment, self-righteousness, and close-mindedness. A Heart at War sees others as “the problem.” Others are the roadblock on the path to the clear solution and are something that needs to be fixed – just like the problem.
This mindset approach immediately blocks our solutions from working. At best, the solution is diminished. At worst, the problem is dismissed. As a result, we continue the circle of blame, justification, and disdain.
Instead of a Heart at War, we need to lead from a Heart at Peace. Let me explain what this means.
When leading from a Heart at War, we’re in judgment and we lead with “I’m better” thoughts.
When leading from a Heart at Peace, we see the other person simply as a person, not as something broken that needs to be fixed. We see them as a person who’s just like us with real concerns, needs, ideas, and solutions. We’re interested in them, we’re curious, and we’re open-minded.
WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT
If we’re leading with a Heart at War, it doesn’t matter how great our solutions to problems are – the solutions will fail every time.
Whether it’s at home or work, peace is only capable when an intelligent solution is connected to a peaceful inner strategy. This concept comes from two of my favorite books by The Arbinger Institute that I highly recommend:
As a leader, it’s no longer enough to find the right solution and simply “get it done.” It doesn’t matter how good your strategy is, how productive you are, or how top tier talent you are. You can be the most intelligent leader in the world with access to the best consultants, therapists, and solutions money can bring. But, if your approach is always beginning from a Heart at War, your solutions will go nowhere.
HOW TO LEAD WITH A HEART AT PEACE
The key to getting your solutions across, to being heard at work, to getting your college daughter to clean up after herself (speaking from personal experience here) is to pair your five-star solutions and strategies with inner peace. It’s important that you have peace within yourself before moving to find peace outside with others. Here are some ways to get there.
Always Be Aware
When you find yourself blaming others, justifying, or feeling the need to correct or fix another, these are all signs of a Heart at War. Unless we’re aware of a problem, we can’t fix a problem. What’s also important is becoming aware of the fact that there’s something underlying the problem.
See the Other Person as a Person – Not something that’s broken
Are you seeing the other person as an object or as a person just like yourself who’s wanting to find a proper solution? In every moment, in every interaction, determine how you are seeing the other person. It’s often when we feel justified that another person is the threat to our solution that we judge them, see them as less than ourselves, and believe they need to be corrected.
To dive deeper into the concept of this second step, I highly recommend reading Leadership and Deception by The Arbinger Society.
Move Your Vantage Point
Begin to consider the challenges this person (or persons) is having in this situation. What pain are they experiencing in their own world? Be curious about their worries and their concerns. Although we start to pit ourselves against each other, we’re often all on the same team.
Ask Yourself This Question
Honestly say, “When have I done what I’m judging the other person for?” This is what I instantly go to. This question is an immediate way to shift a Heart at War. You’ll find it quickly humbles the ego and brings in compassion for the other person.
Lastly, Take Action
It’s not easy to really be conscious of and to call ourselves out on our own stuff. It takes a self-aware person with their own inner peace and their genuine interest in lifting other people up to really solve problems.
THIS WEEK’S CHALLENGE
Notice a place where you’re leading with a Heart at War. Where are you judging someone or a group of people? Over this next week, practice approaching that problem with a Heart at Peace instead. Approach the problem with interest, genuinely caring for the other person or persons, and assume their positive intent.
Again I say, it does not matter just that you get it done. If you’re a leader, it matters how you got there. When you show up at your best, you put down your need to be right. You release blaming, indignation, and your need for vindication to replace a Heart at War with a Heart at Peace.
Tune into this episode of Playing Full Out to learn how to implement this unique differentiator in problem solving and the anatomy of peace.
In this episode I share:
- The #1 reason why people at work, at home, and in life aren’t listening to your exceptional solutions and the unique solution to getting your ideas heard
- The story of a Black man and a KKK member who exemplified this exact strategy and shifted from an interaction of potential hatred and war to a peaceful, collaborative friendship
- Why we so often remain mired in our problems even when we have exceptional solutions
- A personal story of leading with a Heart at War in my own home and how I used this exact technique to shift the outcome of this recurring problem
Resources and related episodes:
- Two books from The Arbinger Institute that I highly recommend to explore this strategy and concepts even deeper:
- Tune into the previous episode, How To Boost Your Patience, Energy, and Progress So You Do the Best Work Of Your Career
- Episode 98. Unleashing the Power Of Fun (plus my 4-Part Sensational Summer Blueprint)
- Learn more about the Playing Full Out Revolution.
- Connect with Rita on Instagram @rita_hyland_coaching.
- Connect with Rita on LinkedIn.
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.
About Rita Hyland
With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.
Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.
Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.
Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.
When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology which uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.
Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.