Tag Archive for: business executive

motivated

How To Stay Motivated When You’re Just Not Feeling It

motivated

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

“How do we stay motivated in those moments when we just don’t feel like it?”

As entrepreneurs, leaders of teams, managers, bosses, and parents we all have times when we lose our motivation or lose track of the reason that we’re doing what we’re doing.  Moments when we’re ‘just not feeling it.’ And it’s real! We’re not always going to be in our peak zone. 

Today, I’m giving you a few simple shifts and practical steps so that you can return to your flow — especially in the moments when the pace is fast and the progress is slow. 

Those moments can be little blips or they can be extensive ones that last a week, a month or more!

  • The first of the shifts to return us to center is to allow ourselves to be imperfect. We have to allow ourselves to have those moments where we’re not feeling the feeling. And to be kind to ourselves when they happen. 

What would it look like to accept that your best today isn’t the same as your best on another day? To accept that we aren’t always at the same high level every day? 

One of the challenges we create for ourselves is that we have a resistance to imperfection. This costs us as we get lost in comparison and self attack. High performers tend to be particularly susceptible because they have created such high expectations on themselves. 

As we know, imperfection is an addiction to dissatisfaction because imperfection is impossible.

So on a day where you’re not feeling motivated and the road ahead looks long—embrace the messiness of it! Instead of suffering by fighting with reality, lean into the mess. As a young child my family and I loved to visit the ocean frequently.  It was then when I was taught that if I was ever caught in a current, to not resist but instead to go in the direction of the waves. We suffer when we fight reality in the same way when we go against an ocean’s current. 

  • Don’t underestimate those small actions that compound. 

When I first started having kids, I spent time resisting and fighting life. I suffered because I was fighting the reality that there were going to be interruptions in my day. Often it would leave me feeling irritable and angry and resentful at myself and others because I wasn’t able to get into the flow. Of course, I didn’t realize it was my expectations that were costing me. My belief that it should be some other way.  

When I began to accept it and work with it as opposed to spending the rest of my life fighting what was real, I was not only happier but more productive too. I started to embrace the law of The Slight Edge, which is that small things done consistently lead to significant results.   

It’s easy to see people who climb mountains and think that they achieved that goal in a week. But those who have climbed mountains have failed many times! They’ve taken a lot of steps over and over again and trained to get to that point.

It’s very easy, especially in this world of social media, for us to make up stories about other people. And especially easy when they are telling a story.

Remember: there is nobody like you! There is nobody that has your exact story. And to compare yourself is simply to be addicted to dissatisfaction and ensures you’ll stay out of your flow even longer.

Celebrate yourself in the moment! Acknowledge yourself—even in the imperfection. 

And don’t underestimate the fact that even though you can’t do everything, that you can’t do something.

One of the best practical steps is to say, “What’s the smallest thing I can do right now?” What can I do that will plant a seed or leverage something for myself today—in the smallest way? 

Some examples:

  • Pulling a file.
  • Locating a paper. 
  • Opening a book.

It doesn’t matter what it is! It’s about tuning in, slowing down, listening, and identifying that small action that you can take.

We know that 20% of what we do—the vital few things we do—lead to 80% of our results. 

When we’re aware of these few things we do, we recognize that we’re always—even though the lists seem long and the progress seems slow—able to take just the next step.

  • Train yourself to hold space for life’s curveballs. 

And by hold space, I mean leave more blank space. When we don’t do that, we set ourselves up to never expect that life is messy. 

By saving space for life’s messy moments, we stop allowing ourselves to constantly be set up for failure.  Instead we can ask ourselves…

  • How can we set ourselves up to succeed? 
  • Where do we need support? 
  • Where do we leave room to get support?

This leads me to another point… 

  • Consume support and use personal development to upgrade your life. 

Use these moments as a reminder—an opportunity—to seek out and receive support. Whether it’s paid or not! An expert or a trusted friend. Find those people and call on them.

I recently had a moment where I was getting hijacked by something. Some feelings were coming up about a big change and I thought to myself, “Okay, I need some support to process this and to get myself out of it.” 

I have a team of trusted advisors that I use in different capacities at different times. I always have my team to go back to to help me process things as they come up.

Who are your trusted advisors? Take a minute to locate them in your mind and maybe jot their names down on a piece of paper.

They can be:

  • a friend that supports you or holds you accountable 
  • a therapist
  • a coach
  • a community of people (maybe a Facebook group)

But whoever that is for you—you have them! You don’t have to do it alone. We cannot do it alone. 

  • Validate feelings vs avoiding them.

I can’t underscore enough the importance of us validating our feelings as opposed to “shoulding” on ourselves. You know—saying we “shouldn’t be feeling unmotivated today.” That’s the worst thing to do!

Your feelings are messengers. They’re there to tell you something. They’re there to guide you in a new direction.

So instead of telling yourself all the reasons this is inefficient and wrong and what else you should be doing—embrace the feeling and write it down. Maybe even journal about how you’re feeling. And be kind to yourself because there’s a part of you that’s feeling those feelings. 

This allows you to metabolize and process the feelings, as opposed to having them hijack you again tomorrow. 

  • We have to remember that our target is our purpose. 

Too often, we get consumed with our lists and what we ought to get done. Understand that your list will never get done. If it’s done, you’re dead. 

Shift your perception, your mindset, your definition of a “To Do” list and embrace that it gives you opportunity, possibility, and meaning. It’s all in how you define what that means.

  • If there’s still a “To Do” list, are you saying that you’re not enough? 
  • If there’s more to do or you haven’t responded, does that mean you’re inadequate? 

Be specific with and notice the stories that you tell yourself.

  • Protect your peace.

Probably one of the most important things that my clients do is that they are very protective of their state. They protect their peace, knowing that when they’re in the highest frequency of peace, they always perform at the highest level!

When you operate from the thought and belief that when you do what’s best for yourself, it’s always best for another. It’s not selfish.  It’s self-care.

Another question I ask myself and others regularly is, “If nothing were to change in my circumstances, what would I need to be at peace in this moment?”

Protecting our peace is how we maintain as successful entrepreneurs, masterful teachers, and positively impactful leaders. It’s actually our #1 job daily. 

Can you see how having these seven tools in your back pocket can prevent you from being completely hijacked when work or life gets complicated or messy?  

Remember it’s completely normal to have days when we feel off.  The important thing is to be kind to yourself and not give our struggles meanings they don’t have. Our messy days are not personal.  They are not a reflection of our worth.  They are simply life.  

Remind yourself that you are more ok than you think right now.  

Be generous.

And when you REALLY aren’t feeling it, one of the best things you can do is to perform a random act of kindness. 

Think of one way you can immediately make someone else’s life better. It helps us to get out of our own head and remind ourselves that we matter.  

Make sure that you stay in the game and finish what you started. 

There is only one YOU! There’s a reason you’re doing what you’re doing. Make your purpose your target—and don’t stop. 

We all have moments where we need to rest. And rest when you must, but don’t you quit. 

Give yourself permission to move with the flow and to embrace some of these practices. 

Much like a small change in a golfer’s hand on a putter can change the trajectory of the ball significantly, a few small habit changes in life’s messy moments, make a big difference as well.

Ask yourself…

What’s the smallest thing that I can do today to make a difference or make some progress or impact?

And then start making those small improvements right away to put some doable, positive habits in place that will upgrade your business and life!

The world desperately needs what you have to give.  

In these moments, continue to find joy, inspiration, self-improvement, and self-awareness. 

When you do, your business, community, and family all benefit! Thank you for being a part of this community.  Thank you for being you and being a bright light and leader in this world!

In this episode, I share:

  • Seven tools to remain steady (and return to flight) when we’re just not feeling up to what work and life need from us today
  • The mindset management high achievers use to maintain their motivation.
  • The most important question to ask in order to meet your daily #1 goal of protecting your peace   

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

self-worth

What Working Hard May Tell You About Your Self-Worth

self-worth

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

I’m going in deeper than I have in the past on a topic I haven’t really covered before—self-worth. 

In part, it has to do with a conversation from a previous Playing Full Out podcast episode devoted to why we overwork. It’s called How to Work Less Without the Worry. 

I heard from many of you who had more questions and said you really resonated with  the topic. That you’ve accomplished a lot in so many ways, but continue to struggle with being able to stop working so hard or to slow down and enjoy what you’ve already created and achieved. That no matter what you have accomplished it never feels like it’s enough which makes it hard to ever shake the push to work harder, accomplish, and hustle more.

One business owner shared that he thought when he reached a certain level that he’d finally feel satisfied, but that something is still missing. 

He said he’d give anything to be able to enjoy more of his accomplishments — but that he always seems to be chasing something more.

I completely understand. It’s something I learned about myself for the first time a long time ago that explained so much of my dissatisfaction and my compulsion to hustle—even after I had achieved something that I thought would give me the feeling that I was missing. 

It had everything to do with a belief in my self-worth, which is the topic of this episode.

Many years ago, I walked into the office of an individual who I was hoping would help me identify a more satisfying career.  I left with what I thought was an unusual assignment. My homework was to embrace the belief that I am worthy of unconditional love. 

The woman said, “Understand that you don’t have to accomplish another thing in order to be worthy.” 

That felt incredibly uncomfortable. And while it was nice, I didn’t see what that had to do with me identifying a fulfilling career. What I hadn’t seen was that most of my life, I believed that if I only accomplished and achieved enough, then I would be enough. I would feel worthy. 

I hadn’t seen that I was always being driven by this deep belief that my worth was directly correlated to my accomplishments. 

It was this belief that kept me hustling and working hard to achieve more. Because I figured if I pleased enough people, if I accumulated the things that most considered representations of success and if I got enough validation and recognition, that I’d finally feel those feelings of fulfillment that I was yearning for. 

I hadn’t seen that this was at the root of what was driving me to spend long hours working 3 jobs, working out constantly, perfecting my work, pleasing my bosses along with my family, and friends — and never feeling real satisfaction. 

But these beliefs didn’t then—and still don’t—foster fulfillment because they aren’t true at all. 

These beliefs are based on a lie. The lie that we have to achieve and work hard and do more in order to be worthy. 

It made sense why it was so uncomfortable for me to slow down and enjoy what was in front of me.

Since then I’ve spent a lot of my professional life with incredibly successful people on the outside. But whether they’ve had career or financial success—it never felt like it was enough. 

So they did the only thing they knew—the only thing they’d ever been taught—they worked harder.

Hear me out. No one has ever come to me and said they have a self-worth problem. 

We have relationship problems, business problems, health problems, and career problems. 

Self-worth is not one of them. 

But Jamie Kern Lima in her book, Worthy, shares the numbers struggling with worthiness issues and they might surprise you.

  • 90% of women struggle with not feeling enough. 
  • 73% of female executives battle with imposter syndrome. 

And before you think it’s just a female issue, note that the numbers for men are almost the same.

  • 70% of men feel inadequate. 

These numbers are staggering as well as sad because not feeling worthy prevents us from sharing our brilliance. And we never feel truly satisfied. 

How do you know whether self-worth may be at the root of your current problem?  If you struggle with: 

  • walking into a meeting 
  • asking for what you want 
  • speaking what you think
  • promoting yourself
  • stagnating on accomplishing an important milestone or
  • holding a boundary to work less

…these are all signs that you may need to start with looking at the faulty belief of “I am not worthy enough.”

We often believe we need more confidence, or new tactics or techniques, but—self-confidence is an external experience, while self-worth is an internal matter. 

Trying to feel fulfilled by accomplishing more, will simply not work. It’s like threading a needle while you’re wearing boxing gloves. It’s absolutely impossible. 

While achievement can make you feel a lot of things—empowered, more self-confident, stronger—it will never make you feel worthy.

I am sure you—just as I didn’t—don’t think there’s a self-worth issue.

It had never occurred to me that my feelings of not believing I was enough could resolve my  external problems of working too hard, not liking the career I was pursuing or my financial situation — but it did.

If you’re in a career that is wonderful or looks good by external measures, but… you don’t feel worthy of having it, then you’re not going to show up at your highest levels of capacity or ability or talent. 

We can achieve all the things that make us look like a success, but if we don’t have the feeling or identity of someone who is worthy of that success—exactly as we are, without doing another thing or without anything else—then we can achieve all those things, but we’re never really going to feel fulfilled.

I’ve learned that people can gain more self-confidence and move through their failures, have higher performance, achieve big milestones, but if they haven’t learned how to increase their belief that they are worthy, they’re never really going to feel the satisfaction and fulfillment they are yearning for. 

Many of us are realizing that despite having accomplished all the things that we thought would make us feel fulfilled or satisfied, that we’re still missing the feeling of internal satisfaction. 

The biggest costs to those in a position of leadership when they don’t feel worthy enough or are dealing with imposter syndrome are how it hinders decision making abilities, leads to self-sabotage, and keeps us individuals stuck in hustle mode. 

Our cultural conditioning trained us that we must hustle for our worth.  

But the truth is we’ve been worthy since the day we were born.

Understand that just by existing—no matter what socioeconomic level, title, or what you’ve accomplished—You Are Worthy. 

The reality is that I still work on cultivating my own self-worth everyday. I can see when I’m stagnating on important decisions or not showing up fully. 

But as I have thoughts that I’m supposed to get approval from others or when I’m not accepting a challenge—it’s then that I take a breath and use the very tools I encourage my clients to use. 

When you find yourself not feeling worthy, do this exercise

Notice those times when you’re stagnating, overthinking, stalling, or maybe even changing who you are to get approval.

Then write out what I call a Worthy List. 

Start by writing the things you’re not doing, or feeling, or experiencing. And then in front of it, write “I am worthy to.” 

For example:

    • I am worthy to rest.
    • I am worthy to take a vacation.
    • I am worthy to make a career change.
    • I am worthy to not take on that project.
    • I am worthy to love myself exactly as I am.
    • I am worthy to say “no thank you” to the invitation or 
    • I am worthy to say “no more” to the work I don’t like

When you feel worthy of the role you are in or what you have, it doesn’t mean you stop pursuing your goals or dreams—it means you don’t pursue them with the belief that they’re going to make you feel fulfilled. 

What you want is when you do achieve these things, you’re able to enjoy them. And if you don’t achieve them, you feel worthy regardless! 

That is the “there” so many high-achievers are pursuing. It’s the feeling of internal peace, satisfaction and fulfillment regardless of what level of success we’ve hit or what anyone else thinks.

The great news is that you can learn to feel worthy.  

And when you learn to feel that you are enough, it will allow you to stop working so hard and hustling to achieve because you’ll realize it already exists within you. You’ve had it all along.

In this episode, I share:

  • How not feeling worthy negatively can affect your business, career, health, and relationships
  • Signs to spot feelings of unworthiness 
  • A quick exercise in the journey of learning to feel worthy

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

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