Several years ago I learned that everything I thought about being successful and happy was a lie.

I’d spent many of my early years consciously and sometimes unconsciously trying to keep it neat, fix it, organize it, keep it moving, make it look good.

I recognize in hindsight it was to get people to like me.   Once I had ‘manipulated’ them into liking me, I then realized the game wasn’t over.  Now I had to maintain their acceptance and approval. 

I wasn’t as calculated as it might sound.  I didn’t consciously realize I was doing this. Like most of us, I’d picked this way of being up from those around me.  I didn’t challenge it.  It must ‘work,’ I thought.  After all, everybody’s doing it.

After years of this act, I became exhausted from the level of energy it took to keep it up, and I finally gave it up.

I started showing up at a higher level and exposing wherever I was, how I was feeling, and where I was at honestly. I said what I really planned to do with my life.  I was myself.

And I found a funny thing started happening…

While I’d thought  people would stop liking me when I wasn’t trying so hard, instead I found people actually liked me more.  I started connecting to people in ways I had never experienced in my relationships and in business.  And my life –in both areas– took off.

It turns out it’s not only more fulfilling to be unattached to whether or not people like you.  It’s also irresistibly attractive.

Here’s the deal: We all want to be our true selves and connect with others in a meaningful, honest and open way.  Connection and contribution to others are our two highest  needs.

To get these needs met we must be honest with ourselves and others —  not just some of the time, but all of the time.  The good news is we become fulfilled  and irresistibly attractive when we do.

In fact, our business and relationship success relies on our being able to expose ourselves as we are–our preferences, our likes, our dislikes.

Take a look at the following video to see what one researcher found on the topic of vulnerability, success, and happiness, and how to become a magnet of rich relationships, success, and fulfillment.  You’ll be happy you did.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

As always, leave a comment if it moves you and please share it with your friends.

Enjoy!

Lots of love,

Rita

I know it’s the time of year to make resolutions, but I don’t do resolutions.  Resolutions are charged with so much negativity and self-torture.  You can almost feel your face scrunch up as you say the word, can’t you?

Instead, I decide on projects that I want to achieve in my business and experience in my life.  And I narrow the number down to a maximum of two to three projects at a time.

Why the short list?

Too often I find entrepreneurs and ‘passionate life-goers’ addicted to too many open and unfinished projects.  They’re overextended physically, emotionally, spiritually – and often financially.

So that brings me to, “What are you doing today?”  Are you working on your most spiritually and financially profitable projects and goals?  Do you know what they are?

Here are the four steps you must take to experience high-leverage, high-paying, and highly fulfilling activities this year!

Step 1:  Know what you want.  

Narrow your focus to two or three projects.

A project to me is something that can be achieved in six months.  I find this time frame is one that most of us can easily wrap our minds around.

What do I want to achieve in the next six months?  Start as if you are six months out from now. What made the first half of this year one that has you strutting, smiling, and planning a night on the town to celebrate yourself?

You have the answer.   You know what it is.  Be willing to cough it up instead of suppressing it until you figure out “how” first.

To be honest, the “how” is none of your business—especially in this step. You can leave that to the higher powers that be. But the act of ASKING AND GOING FOR WHAT YOU WANT is 100% your responsibility. No one can do that for you but you.

Step 2:  Become Brutally Decisive. 

This means make decisions fast.  Being a brutal decision maker is vital to living bold, rich and fulfilled.  This year commit to decrease the lag time between the moment you have an idea and when you take action on it.

This step alone will drastically change the way you experience success emotionally, financially and spiritually in 2011!

Waiting longer will never make you more certain.  Start moving and you will get clear!  Success is too often stalled because we are waiting and thinking about it.  You can’t make progress without making a decision.

Know this:  You are ready, and its time to make the decision.

Here’s what you do.

Write down 3 projects in your business and life that you’ve been considering or researching and not taking action on.

They should be yes/no decisions. Are you going to sign up for that class? Call that contact? Meet with the potential client? Write a proposal for the new business or investor?  Obtain the information you need to launch the new product, or hire the right support staff to take your business to the next level?

Once you’ve written down the three projects, give yourself 60 seconds to write down your decision for each item.  The question is:  “Should I move forward with it?”

It’s just a “yes” or “no.”

(Do this exercise for the next 60 seconds.  That’s how long it takes to become a Brutal Decision Maker.)

Step 3:  Give it a birthday.

In essence, give each project a due date. This isn’t new, but it’s new to those who never do it.  Determine when you want to have your project born.  Then, reverse engineer the process to build out the timeline.

Putting an “alive-line” to our projects helps us visualize the project completed.  Our body then naturally moves to fulfill and connect with the mind’s vision.

Step 4:  Follow the recipe.

Too often we are trying to invent our recipes from scratch when we either already possess our own successful recipe OR we could GET THE RECIPE FROM SOMEONE ELSE.

If you haven’t had prior success in this area, identify three people who have successfully achieved what you want, and learn how they did it.  Three will give you the confidence that what you want can be done.  The three will also provide you with more tools, strategies, and options to choose from.

You will save time moving to your end-goal more quickly.  You’ll also be more fulfilled spending the extra time doing what you love and do best!

(Tip:  This year commit to not short-cutting the recipe by employing do-it-yourself methods…which you never do yourself!  In other words don’t do things on the cheap.  Your results will reflect it.  Invest.  You are worth it!)

Bottom line:  Get the support you need to access the most direct, proven method every time!

Wishing you a fantastic day (and year), and I look forward to talking with you again soon.

Let me know if you’ve got any thoughts on this topic or have a story to share.  And if you’ve found this post helpful, go ahead and share it with a friend!

Enthusiastically,

Rita

P.S.  If you’ve been itching to work with me one-on-one but just haven’t done it – do it NOW!

During the new year there will be a lot of changes and less time for private clients so don’t miss out.

Recently, a lot of my clients are feeling completely overwhelmed because of the many directions they’re being pulled.  From the double-digit to-do lists to the strategic business and life building they feel they “should” be doing, to the simple pleasures they’d like to enjoy, they feel the inverse relationship between time and the overload of tasks to complete.

As a person who prides myself on knowing what to do in some of life’s greatest dilemmas, you can imagine my disillusionment when not too long ago I, too, felt overwhelmed.  In the past, I’d sit and stew in my overwhelmed state, allowing it to confiscate my happiness and productivity. The difference today is that I don’t stay there like I did a decade ago–now I use the following tips to kick overwhelm in the proverbial fanny…

1. Come back to this moment. By the time we feel overwhelmed, we are far from being present in the moment.  Overwhelm usually pushes us to reside in either the past or the future, feeling guilty about something we didn’t do, say, or get OR worrying about what hasn’t happened yet.  The present is the only place we can be happy.How to come back to the moment? Take a breath and say, “I’m back.”  Your focus will return to the ‘now.’
2. Do your best in the moment you are in. This tool is a life changer.  When brushing your teeth, give it your best job. When with your kids, give your attention to them not your iPhone.  When in a company meeting, give your best to your colleagues not your grocery list. Do your best. Give your A-game. Besides the positive results of being present in your relationships, you will also stop second guessing the “what-ifs” and “I should’ves” because you’ll know that you gave your best!  Try this all day today and notice how you return to your peak state.
3. Love your life NOW. Yes, I mean now. Not when you double your business revenue, successfully launch your product, lose the weight, eradicate your debt, or hear your spouse say, “I love you.”  See the greatness and wealth in your life today. It is there…that moment you are in. Your happiness and well-being always precede your other successes.
4. Take bold action–begin it now. You cannot feel overwhelmed and act boldly at the same time.  The two cannot occupy the same space.  Act boldly, even if you are afraid.  From CEO’s to successful entrepreneurs, home-based moms to editors-in-chief of national publications, each one experiences fear. Heck–even uber-talented Michael Jordan admitted feeling nervous before every game.  The key difference? Successful, high-achievers don’t let overwhelm and fear paralyze them. They simply take the next step and keep moving.
5. The one thing. A word about our unrelenting To Do Lists: in one moment, you cannot focus on 27 urgent To Dos. Isn’t possible. But with the gift of one moment, you CAN focus on one thing.  Author Michael Neill recommends you take your To Do list and stick a Post-it note on top.  On that Post-it note write, “The only thing I have to do today is…” , then complete the sentence by picking the one thing that is of highest priority.  Do it.  Once it’s completed, cross it off and fill in the blank again.  This tool provides clarity, focus and boldness to take the one action.  (I like it because you don’t get overwhelmed again looking at the long list!)

Face it: your business and career results are intertwined in your personal life whether you like it or not.  Make your well-being a high priority. Send overwhelm packing and start living right now.

Here’s to an exceptional week!

Rita