Happy New Year!

It’s here! 2015! This is my favorite time to dream about what’s possible for our lives, our careers and businesses in the next 12 months!

I’m super-excited to kick off the year by sharing a powerful new video training series to help you create a year and life you love.

If you want to play full-out and ensure the best version of you and your life is at play this year…discover what it is you really want…think bigger about who you are and your contribution to the world… and experience your highest levels of impact, balance, contribution and fulfillment…check out this free video training videos series I’ve created with YOU in mind.

In today’s first video you’ll hear me share…

*three keys to progress you can’t move forward without

*four simple steps to answer “What’s my what?” and uncover your purpose and passion (with a unique twist)

*how to identify what you don’t want to give your energy to this year (this is an often overlooked but key component) and

*how to avoid being “prematurely practical” before asking for what you want…and then some.

 

Enough talking.  Sign up here to get the three videos and together we’ll create a year of things that have never been.

To your wild happiness and success in 2015!

~Rita

My website is getting a face lift! This isn’t any old website.  It’s ME…unabashedly sharing my voice and providing new free training and tools for YOU.  I’m excited to share it with you very soon!

During this process I’ve been called to dig deep to share what’s important to me. You know, those things I am passionate about and that make me tick.

It took some deep self-exploration (and more time than I thought) to answer who I am and what I stand for, but I did it.

I created my pledge to the world that I envision and to which I dedicate myself.

It’s not who I am all of the time.  It’s who I am at my core –who I am at my best.

It’s now my compass in my life that I can return to in times when life gets tough and I lose sight of who I am.

Here it is.  “The Best Version of Me” Pledge–the words I now live by and the legacy I consciously choose to create.

 

In the world I envision…

I am led by a vision that inspires me.

I live my true calling and support others to bravely go forth and do the same.

I lead from love with integrity, courage, and vulnerability and am quick to change when I see my fear-based thinking at play.

I own and use my power to fully do, be and have whatever I truly desire, never buying into the illusion that I am a victim to people or circumstances.

I tune into my intuition first to make decisions and to access the oceans of insight, wisdom, and creative solutions that lie within me.

I feel confident in having overcome “the-I’m-not-enough-trap,” never equating my worth to my results or seeking external approval.

I see through the eyes of abundance rather than the lens of scarcity, knowing and trusting that there is more than enough for all.

I commit to live as a model of inspiration to my children and other parents I encounter.

When I tell my children “you can do and be anything,” my children believe me because I have made them feel heard, valued, and understood demonstrating that I love, accept and celebrate them exactly as they are.

I encourage each person to own that they are “the special” – sent here to make a difference one person at a time by summoning the courage to share their unique gift even if it’s uncomfortable.

I surround myself with others who thrive outside their comfort zone and are energized by testing their edges.  Together we exceed the limits of our individual thinking and discover who we are and our true capabilities.

I remain present and ‘in the moment’ so you feel welcomed into my life, never wondering if you are an inconvenience or bother to my day.

After spending an hour with me, you feel more authentically you, believe in the strength of your spirit, see the possibility of your future, and feel greater joy in your heart, than when we began our conversation.

I never forget that life is short, and that my charge is to step out and live boldly, love richly, and create a life that matters.

This is the world I envision and to which I dedicate my life to call forth.

For this I know with certainty:

Each one of us has a unique reason for being here…

One person showing up at their best has a ripple effect…

The changes I make affect generations to come…

And it’s never too late to fulfill the best version of me!

Though not my only wake up call, this one got my attention.  I was sitting at Harpo Studios in Chicago to view a taping of Oprah’s Life Class for Super Soul Sunday.  A few weeks earlier my daughter had been interviewed and taped with eight other children by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a child psychologist and author of The Conscious Parent.  Clips of the kids from the interview were going to be included in a discussion between Oprah and Dr. Shefali during Oprah’s Life Class. Topics included for discussion were how it feels to be a child, communication with parents, discipline and beyond.

A few weeks earlier I’d thrown my 11-year-old daughter’s name in the hat to be a part of this.   My daughter is very open and likes to talk.  She’s been raised by a life coach.  She got what it was going to be about.  I myself am always looking for anything that supports me in becoming a better version of me. It was a perfect match.

After the taping with the kids, the producer came out to say how fabulous Casserly had been.  “She was very open, forthcoming and shared a lot.”  “Great,” I thought to myself.  This should be—to use a favorite word of mine — “interesting.”

Before this day when I would see the show live-streamed, I’d received many calls from the Harpo producer.  She asked, “Are you feeling comfortable with everything so far? We need to confirm that your husband will be at the show.”  She called several times to confirm this last detail even though I’d learned that other husbands were not required to be present. Hmm.   “That’s odd,” I thought.

As my husband and I reached the studio for the taping of the big show, the producer sat down with us.  “Dr. Shefali really liked your daughter,” she repeated.  “She shared a lot.”  (Casserly had told me she’d spoken the most in the group discussion.) The producer went on, “We are going to put both you and your husband in the front row and have you both set up with microphones now.  We don’t want to tell you too much because we want your responses to be authentic.” 

She asked again, looking more at my husband now than me, “Are you ok?  Do you feel comfortable?”  The question only reminded me that I shouldn’t feel comfortable at this moment.  My husband said, “Let’s get this show on.”

I didn’t know exactly what my daughter had shared, but let’s just say I knew it would provide an opportunity for me to grow my parenting.  That’s what I had intended.  That’s why I had volunteered.  That, however, didn’t matter to my ego now.  At this point, minutes before the show was to start, my ego knew it was in for a large helping of ego-pie, and it was having a fit for bringing me to this point.  It felt like I was being led into the Hunger Games, but I was the only one who didn’t know it yet.

We took our seats.  The show began.  Casserly’s face came up on the large screen first, and she shared her feelings about not truly being heard. 

Oprah turned to ask me how I felt when I heard my daughter say this. “Are you surprised?” she asked.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t.

I’ve received whispers in my life that I am moving too fast, unbalanced, and that at times I’m not present even though I am there and talking.  While I give my best to my clients, sometimes only half of me is left and available for those closest to me at the end of the day.   I’ve realized this before.

The only difference this time was that I was getting the lesson on Oprah’s Life Class directly from Oprah, the ultimate life coach.  How much louder did it have to be?  Would I get my lesson this time?  These were the most important questions to me.

Dr. Shefali and Casserly reminded me that our children don’t need to be molded, controlled, shaped, cajoled, fixed, or managed, and we don’t need to solve their problems. More than anything what they need from us as parents is to be seen, heard, and feel like they matter so they feel empowered to do this for themselves.  Sometimes, as my daughter shares on the show, all they really need is a hug.

Taking the liberty here to use Oprah’s language, “some things I know for sure are…”

• I am a master student of conscious living and conscious parenting—not a master.

• We cannot be better parents or leaders until we acknowledge that there are moments that we make mistakes and that we can be and do better.

• Life speaks to us very directly.  We have to be willing to listen.  Some of life’s lessons are hard but only because we are hard-headed.  We can get a life lesson from a whisper or from a brick, our choice.  There are a few life lessons I’ve chosen regrettably to learn by way of a brick.  Being fully present in the moment is one of them.

• Our children are our greatest teachers, if we are willing to truly listen.

• Finally, we all want the same things for our kids and ourselves, but at times we don’t realize the way we’re going about is not working.  We remain loyal to ways that no longer serve us.  The good news is at the end of the day, we always have an opportunity to make a new choice.

Last week I came across a journal entry I’d written earlier this year.  It read, “Be on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday.”  Well, life had given me what I wanted and certainly what I needed once again.   No, it wasn’t how I planned it…I believe it was better.

The airing of this Super Soul Sunday Life Class is this Sunday, September 21st on OWN at 8:00 CST/9:00 EST.

I hope everybody who has children sets their DVR and watches.  The show has the power to change the way you see and parent your children.  It did for me.

We all do it at times. We make our own choices for what we want based on a current reality, that is, the natural “next level,” OR in response to what is being offered to us.

We manipulate what we REALLY want into what we think we can get instead.

As a result, we skip the #1 step in the fool-proof process to getting anything we want– CHOOSE.

I’ll give you an example. A client is being sought after to fill a new position in the organization. When asked, “What do you want?” he states, “I’m going to see what they offer me and go from there.”

This waiting to choose based on logic or what others decide almost always guarantees you will limit who you become and what you receive!

See all kinds of cool things happen when you choose what you want based on your deepest desires. First, when you CHOOSE (regardless of what the current reality rationally dictates) you begin to show up in the world in a way that attracts what you want. You commit. Like a thoroughbred with blinders, you pursue your target.

Second, the universe or God or nature, whatever you want to call it, conspires to support you. I see it all of the time in my own life and in the lives of my clients. You get started and the universe shows up to bring situations together to support you.

Physiologically this is explained by understanding that our brain works to map out a path to create the picture it sees in the mind. Deliberately choosing the positive reality you want is, therefore, pivotal.

So here’s the point I want to make: don’t wait to choose what you REALLY want based on…

What the company decides
What the neighbors prefer
What seems logical or rationale
What you think you can have
Or what is being offered

YOU DECIDE.

Bottom line: Whether you’re a corporate leader, an entrepreneur, or full-time mom, your first step in getting what you really want is to choose it. You can create whatever you choose to be!

What the client above really wanted was the opportunity to have a global role within the company, with a limited amount of travel (sounds crazy, I know), with a salary 35% higher than a similar position had previously been paid and to receive options in the company.

He chose and saw this before it was offered, AND he got it all. But then that’s just the way it works.

Answer the question, what do I REALLY want in my business, my relationship, my finances, my life? Really.

You are what you choose to be. No if, ands, or buts!

Wishing you all that you wish for yourself,

~Rita

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was managing a group of high-performers during my banking career.  That afternoon, I was going before senior management to get approval for a sizable initiative I’d proposed.

I needed their backing and financial support to bring it to life.  It was ten minutes before the meeting where I had to convince them.

I started to worry I wasn’t prepared enough.  I saw in my mind the stakeholders around the table looking at me like I was crazy, my boss embarrassed of my presentation, and nobody going for what I was selling. I mapped out the unraveling of the entire meeting and saw my hard-earned reputation shattered.

Now there were only seven minutes before I’d be in the board room.

Then I stopped.  I’d heard recently that spending time worrying creates what you don’t want.  I’d never tested the theory, but I figured if there was a chance now was as good a time as any to change my thinking to a more supportive and positive reality.

I mapped out a positive outcome instead. I saw it in great detail. I saw myself fully articulate in my presentation, others contributing additional details and support, and everyone agreeing to the full proposal.  Imagine my shock when the scenario played out as I’d seen in the positive reality I’d focused on. 

Since then positive psychology has proven the theory true.

Brain science confirms that your brain constructs a world based upon how you expect it to look. The more time we spend imagining what might go wrong, the less time and resources our brain accesses a plan for things going right.

Assuming the worst until your proven wrong seems like a safe bet.  After all, that way you’re never surprised or duped, and you have a plan for when things go wrong.

But because what you map out first in your mind is more likely to become reality, it’s best to spend your brain’s valuable resources looking for a success route before an escape route.

I initially started by looking at how I was going to fail rather than nail my presentation that day, but I caught myself in time to turn my brain’s resources to a win rather than a loss.

Since then I’ve learned you should always see your path to your desired outcome before you make a plan to survive mistakes or failure.

So if you want to start a business, don’t focus on all the businesses that fail in the first year.  Instead focus on the ones that succeed, your passion to get your message or product out, and the people who will be supported by you succeeding.

If you want to change careers, don’t tell yourself there are no jobs in the new career field in your area, that the positions are limited or you don’t have the job skills being sought.  Instead focus on your greatest game-changing moments in your life where you became the person you like being today. Seek out and connect with those who are already doing what you want to do.  Change your reality to “If I knew it was possible, what would I do next?”

Your brain will always access more options, answers and solutions when you ask “how” rather than “what if.”

Your Turn: For the next big meeting, project, or presentation, make a mental picture of your route to success.  What would it take to nail it?  Play out the positive paths to your successful outcome.  Do that for 30 minutes before you make a plan to mitigate risk or survive mistakes.