What My “Batcat” Taught Me About Healing and Humanity

In the late spring of 2021, when all three of my kids were home doing school online, we — like so many families — decided to add an animal to our family.

To be clear, I didn’t want another cat.

We already had one, Rio — a sunny, golden yellow tabby. The kind of cat that is always on someone’s lap. He’s loyal, protective, and screeches at the mailman like he’s guarding a castle.

But under extreme pressure (and against my better judgment), we found ourselves at a local shelter — late to the COVID animal adoption craze. There were only two kittens left.

One, a dark gray stray with a solid Persian coat, had instantly captured my kids’ hearts. The shelter told us she’d been found outside with her brother — a skittish, fearful little thing. An immediate red flag for me. Oh brother, I thought to myself.

I pleaded with my kids to wait for a calmer, happier bunch to arrive.

I didn’t win.

The next morning, at the end of my jog, two of my three kids came running toward me, panicked:

“The kitten jumped into the heating duct and won’t come out!”

My point — unhappily — proven.

We spent hours trying to coax her out, shutting down the furnace so she wouldn’t jump in and burn to her death. (Not what I needed on my Saturday afternoon.)

Twelve hours later, lured by the smell of salmon, she finally emerged.

We named her Sky.

Four years later, Sky still lives mostly in the shadows. She comes out around 5:30 p.m. — just as the day begins to wind down — and greets us softly. She doesn’t participate much, but she’s steady now. Watchful from the sidelines. Still scared.

In our home, we have two opposite spirits: the light and the dark. The sun and the sky. The hopeful and the afraid.

And isn’t that humanity?

Rio represents the open, trusting part of us — the one that believes the world is safe and hopeful. Sky represents the guarded place — the one that has known loss or fear and learned to survive by hiding.

I’ve made it my quiet mission to help Sky trust again. Late at night, when everyone’s gone to bed, she’ll jump up and allow me to rub her belly briefly. The duration has increased with time.

I don’t know what happened in her early weeks to leave such a deep, impermeable scar. But I do know it’s my work — and maybe all of our work — to bring more safety, patience, and love into the spaces where fear still lingers.

Because, unlike Sky, we humans were gifted with conscious choice.

We can remind ourselves that we are in the present moment now. We can visit the past and glance at the future, but only for information — not as our compass.

Sky may always be our “batcat,” but she reminds me daily to bring my peace, calm, and grace to the world, especially when I’m tired or running on fumes.

When she appears each evening, we all instinctively soften. The kids whisper, “Hi Sky, it’s so good to see you.” We tread lighter. We slow down. There’s more kindness in our tones.

And in those moments, she teaches us something profound: that we all have weathered storms, and we all have a bit of the ‘batcat’ in us — that part that wants to retreat when life feels too big.

But healing happens when love walks in softly enough to trust again.

Sky reminds me to do that — for her, for others, and for myself.

This week, when you see someone you sense may be hurting or in the dark, don’t pass them by as I almost did to Sky. Instead, choose to bring them your light and love.

We could all use more of that.

In it with you,

~Rita

Why I Almost Missed Machu Picchu

Picture this: one year ago, a friend asked me to join her on a trip to Machu Picchu.

Before I even said a word, my mind went to work.
Where will my youngest be in his schedule?
What if my husband isn’t available?
What if I’m in the middle of a launch?

Within seconds—not minutes or hours—I had pulled up a dozen reasons why I should wait. Why it wasn’t a good time.

The irony?

I was the one who had long before encouraged her to make a list of what she wanted for her future.

I had even shared as an example to get her started my own dream of walking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu one day.

Through our conversations, she had finally decided to take her first month-long sabbatical.

A big deal.

She’s the CEO of a large company, with responsibilities that never seem to let up.

But by continually repeating her vision—“I am the leader of experts who are capable of running and growing a healthy, thriving business without me”—she prepared her leaders, carved out the space, and was ready to live her dream.

Now—she was handing the invitation back to me.
“Do you want to go?”

And suddenly, I realized something: how easy it is to wait.

To tell ourselves “someday.”
To believe the timing isn’t right.
To assume we’ll feel more ready later.

But here’s the truth: you’ll never feel truly ready.
There’s never a perfect time.

You have to jump first… and trust you’ll figure it out.
Because you will. You always do.

So let me ask you:

👉 What’s the thing you’re still waiting to do?

Make that important call
Repair (or release) a relationship
Take the trip you keep talking about
Start the business or passion project
Ask for the raise or promotion
Begin the book, podcast, or creative work
Say “I’m sorry” or “I love you”
Prioritize your health — finally
Move, relocate, or redesign your life
Forgive someone (or yourself)

Write it down. Share it with someone. They just might become the accountability partner you need to finally say, “Let’s go for it together.”

And if you’ve been waiting on something meant just for you, then ask yourself: “If not now, when?” Give it a date.

Because life doesn’t wait.
And neither should you.

In just a few weeks, I’m heading out on that trip I’ve thought about for the last 25 years. Proving it’s never too late — but don’t continue to wait.

Let me know what you’re no longer waiting to experience or do. I can’t wait to hear from you!

ALL my best!

~ Rita

Why Managing Your Inner Game Is No Longer Optional

Dear friend,

I had something entirely different planned to write this week. But honesty won out, and what’s been on my mind lately felt more important to share.

Because the reality is this: life can be dysregulating. And in those moments, our job is to stay connected to ourselves.

With my last child back to school this week, I’ve been reflecting on summer. There were highlights — jet skiing across Lake Minnetonka, pool days, and late-night movies as a family. And there were lows — my son’s broken collarbone and other extended family health concerns.

I’ve always prided myself on making the best of unexpected turns. I often joke that if you locked me in a bathroom with a stack of books and a phone, I could enjoy myself for weeks. But lately, change has felt different. Sometimes the upsets are bigger. The feelings are deeper. The reverberations are more significant.

Life is hard. It is complex.

Just this week, I stepped off a client call to a flood of texts: Was it my son’s school affected by the Minneapolis shooting? Only days before, I’d learned of a shooting threat at the University of South Carolina — where my daughter attends — which thankfully turned out to be a hoax. And closer to home, I felt the disappointment that the Chicago I once felt safe in is not the same city where my oldest daughter will live.

It’s in times like these that our habits and coping mechanisms matter most. Because how we automatically respond can either support our nervous system, or quietly make life harder.

When I heard about the school shooting, my body flooded with cortisol. Anger erupted — the kind I hadn’t felt in years. (My kids would call it “crashing out.”) I called a friend and unloaded. That’s my nervous system’s fight response. But the problem? It lasted all day.

We all have our protective patterns when we don’t feel safe— numbing out, people-pleasing, armoring up, over-controlling. They are adaptive. Necessary. Even genius. But they’re meant to be temporary — minutes or hours, not days, weeks, or years. Yet for many of us, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn has become a way of life.

The gift of self-awareness is that it gives us a choice.

The next morning, instead of diving into my checklist, I went to the lake for sunrise. Water has always calmed me, and I knew I needed a reset. I made my apologies where needed. I acknowledged my feelings instead of ignoring them. I didn’t numb with wine or weaponize with words. I didn’t over-control. Within 24 hours, I was closer to grounded and compassion-focused again.

This is the practice of managing your inner game.

Too often, when our minds register danger, we rush to stop it at all costs. But those instinctive responses are fear running the show. Left unchecked, they don’t just protect us — they can erode relationships, dilute our mission, and steal our happiness.

To create and enjoy the life we want requires cultivating internal safety. So that when the world feels chaotic, we still have a quiet place to return to.

This is where I am supposed to tell you exactly how to do this in a neat, short paragraph. I can’t because it’s slow and ongoing.

What I can tell you is that when we don’t let every unexpected event that our mind tells us is threatening dismantle everyday life, we are no longer controlled by circumstances.

That steadiness is not just the key to good living — it’s the foundation of great leadership.

Too many of us accept our stress responses as “just who I am,” never realizing the toll until it’s too late.

But here’s the bottom line: managing your inner game is not a luxury anymore. It’s a necessity for those who want to live and lead meaningfully.

Because when you learn to interact with yourself and others from a regulated place, you improve everything — your energy, your impact, your performance — in any situation, whether ordinary or crisis.

And that changes everything.

With you in it,
~Rita

Looking For What’s Next? Move the Needle by Defining Success After the Climb

For over a year, I’d been trying to out-row, out-run, and out-pace my workout partner at Orange Theory.

Same energy. Same stride. Same season of life… right?

Wrong.

One day, in casual conversation, she dropped a detail that stopped me cold: she was 20 years younger.

Like 2-0.

Turns out, I had been competing—unknowingly—with someone two decades younger than me.

I laughed out loud. But later, I couldn’t help thinking… how many other places in life am I still operating from an old point of reference?

When was the last time I updated my definition of success?

For many of us, the version of success we’re still chasing is the one we chose when we started the climb—20, 30, even 40 years ago.

But what if it doesn’t fit anymore?

What if that ambition that once fueled us… Now gets in the way of enjoying what we’ve already built?

What if “more” isn’t the answer?

I talk to so many leaders who reach a moment like this.

They’ve built incredible careers, businesses, and lives.

But they’re still quietly asking:

Why doesn’t this feel like I thought it would? Why do I feel a pressure to continuously ‘scale up’?

They’re pushing for growth, scale, accomplishment—but wondering when the striving will start to feel like success.

I was speaking recently with a woman in a family business. She’s worked for over a decade to evolve the company and her leadership.

When her sister acknowledged her impact, she responded, “But my work hasn’t been validated yet.”

What she was saying was that she didn’t have the metrics yet to consider it a success. She, therefore, wouldn’t allow herself to fully feel successful.

It was at that moment she realized her definition of success hadn’t caught up to who she’d become. She was measuring by metrics that no longer mattered.

Another conversation, this time with a father. He’d always believed success for his kids looked like this: Play sports. Get the grades. Go to the right college. Get the job. Accomplish.

But when asked what success might look like in his relationship with his daughter—not her achievements, but their actual relationship—he paused.

He realized he’d never considered success that way.

That maybe, now, it looks like being close.
Being trusted.
Being a safe place to land.

He said that moment flipped everything for him.

We all need those moments.

Moments when we stop and ask:

Is what I’m chasing still what I want? Or is it just what I inherited… or who I used to be?

Redefining or updating your definition of success doesn’t mean you stop achieving.

It means you stop building your life around a version of success that doesn’t inspire you or feel good anymore.

For me, success used to be about accomplishments. Measurable. Tangible.

But today?

Ambition looks like doing less, not more.
It’s quieting down, not ramping up.
It’s choosing peace over performance.
Presence over productivity.

And I’m starting to believe:

Maybe success isn’t something you chase.
Maybe it’s something you define—and then live into.

Try this. In the unique energy of summer, carve out some time to reflect on these:

What do I want to feel more of in my day-to-day—and what does that say about success for me now?
If I let go of the definitions I inherited—from culture, family, or my past self—what does success feel like now?
Where in my life or leadership do I feel most aligned today—and how might I build my definition of success around that?

Here’s the truth I’ve come to:

You don’t need an article written about you, a title, or a viral post to be living a successful life.

You just need alignment with who you are today.

You need peace. You need to feel like you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

And the best part—if you’re like many— when you update your definition of success, you may realize…

You’ve already arrived.

All my best,

~Rita

It’s Time To Change the Way You See Things

I walked into my house after nine months away. The familiar walls welcomed me like an old friend.

As I unpacked my things—and those of my two college daughters who had just returned—I started seeing things I hadn’t noticed before.

Way too many clothes jammed into that closet.
A plant blocking the light in the corner.
A backyard that needs some love.
Even driving around town, I caught myself smiling at things I’d never paid attention to.

The house hadn’t changed. But I had.

My perspective had shifted—and with it, my ability to see what I’d been too busy to question.

It wasn’t just the physical stuff. I noticed responsibilities I’d taken on that didn’t serve me anymore. Maybe they never did.

Living away for nine months—supporting my son’s journey—gave me a gift I didn’t know I needed: a different perspective.

We all know perspective shapes our lives. Like when a doctor tells two patients with the same disease that they have six months to live. One goes home to prepare to die. The other says, “No way. I’ve got grandkids to watch grow up.” One passes away shortly after. The other thrives for several more years.

Same situation. Different perspective. Different outcome.

How we look at a situation determines how we respond.
How we respond shapes our results.
Our perspective, therefore, shapes our destiny.

You’d think we’d be experts at expanding our perspective, right?
But the truth is… we’re not.

Here’s why.

It’s easy to forget that our perspective is just that—a perspective, not a fact. We get stuck seeing the world the same way every day. We look for evidence that confirms what we already believe—rather than challenging it.

It’s like being a fish in a fishbowl. The fish doesn’t even know it’s in water because it’s always been there.

For over two decades, I’ve helped men and women revolutionize their lives and leadership—so they can increase their happiness, impact, productivity, and bottom lines.

And here’s the secret sauce: every transformation starts with a change in the way we see things.

When we change the way we see things—the things we see change.

Even the tiniest shift can be revolutionary. Like a golfer who changes their grip by just a centimeter—and suddenly the ball goes in a completely different direction.

My time away reminded me: I must never stop seeking fresh perspectives—even when life feels good.

This fall, in my new hybrid coaching program, The Inner Game Advantage, we’ll use perspective shifts to reset, amplify your happiness, and increase your influence.

But you don’t have to wait until then. Here’s your summer homework:

Ask yourself these questions:
👉 Where am I stuck in the same patterns, just because that’s the way I’ve always done it?
👉 What am I not seeing that’s holding me—or others—back?
👉 What’s another perspective (or seven) that could change everything?

Summer is the perfect time to explore new perspectives. Its slower pace and longer days invite us to pause, reflect, try something new, and play.

Maybe it’s a weekend getaway to somewhere you’ve never been.
Or reading a book you’d normally skip.
Or having coffee with someone who challenges your thinking.

Even a simple walk—without your phone—or an evening journaling in the backyard can unlock new insights. When we give ourselves space to see things differently, we discover possibilities we never knew existed.

Life becomes better than we imagined.

This fall, I’ll be trekking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu—a trip I’ve dreamed about for years. With how much perspective has expanded for me lately, I can’t wait to see the world from yet another vantage point. Stay tuned. I promise to share the perspectives I find with you.

In the meantime, here’s to seeing your world—and your leadership—with fresh eyes.

All my best,
~Rita

P.S. Curious how seeing things differently could revolutionize your life, leadership, and productivity? Let’s chat, and we’ll schedule a Connection Call. Let’s explore what’s possible with a fresh perspective—and a coach in your corner.

Discomfort Is a Sign of Growth — Not a Signal To Stop

Last weekend, my daughter graduated from college. A proud, emotional, heart-tugging milestone. As I cheered her on, I couldn’t help but return in my mind to the day we dropped her off in Texas four years ago.

It was August 2021 — peak COVID uncertainty. Move-in day was rainy, chaotic, masked, distanced, and heavy with emotion. At the end of it all, as her dad and I prepared to leave, she cried and asked me not to go.

Last weekend, she cried again — not because we were leaving her, but because she was leaving a place she had come to love, grown strong in, and made her own.

That’s the thing about change — it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it brings tears. But it also brings growth.

This year has brought its own discomfort for me, too.

In the fall, I moved to Minnesota to support my son in a new opportunity — playing hockey for the school year. A new place, a fresh experience, and a chance to show up for someone I love.

In reality, it was hard.

Like really hard.

I was surprised at my own resistance. I kept thinking, People go through much more difficult changes than this. What is wrong? Why is this hitting me so hard?

But I knew deep down that my discomfort had something to teach me — even if I didn’t understand it yet.

So I grieved the change. Dug deep. Then I got curious.

I asked myself: When have I felt this way before? What is this discomfort here to teach me? How can this experience help me grow? What gifts might be hidden inside this change?

The answers didn’t come all at once. But slowly, I realized I was being stretched — emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

I was learning how to be okay in the unknown. How to find peace without a routine. How to let go, support, and stay grounded — all at once.

Just like my daughter’s first year away, this season has changed me. I’m not the same person who started the year — and I’m thankful for that. I’m a better version of me.

Here’s what I’ve come to know: Growth rarely feels good in the moment. It often comes dressed as frustration, loneliness, doubt, or resistance. But that’s not failure. That’s the work. That’s transformation happening in real time.

Discomfort is not the enemy. It’s a signal. A sign that we’re stretching past our comfort zone, moving into the next version of who we’re becoming.

So if you’re in a season that feels like too much or not enough, remember: growth often feels like falling apart before it feels like coming together. And we’re always, always learning — even when our school’s name is the University of Life.

Here’s to change. Here’s to discomfort. And here’s to what’s waiting on the other side of both!

All my best,

~Rita

P.S. Have you ever resisted a change that ended up being great or helped you grow? I’d love to hear your story — just hit reply. 😃

The Energy Reset Every Leader Needs This Spring

This past week I found myself surrounded with boxes of stuff I was inspired to clean out in time for our community’s spring clean up. I noticed most of the contents of one large closet had never even been unpacked since we moved into the house eight years ago. “Why did we ever keep this stuff,” I thought.

I spent hours sorting through old belongings of my kids and mine, throwing out what I thought they no longer needed. Placing some things aside that I needed to ask their opinion before I tossed or donated. (I’ve learned this the hard way.)

I like to get rid of things. I have been known to not take others’ opinions into account during my decluttering. This time I vowed to do it differently.

While I don’t always like the time it takes to clean out the old, I am drawn to the new energy that clearing out the physical clutter and its invisible weight provides.

We all accumulate things…physically, mentally and emotionally. Stuff that served in one season doesn’t always serve us in the next. And the truth is if we don’t clear stuff out and make room, we can’t move forward.

Like nature, we also need seasons of reset — of shedding, re-rooting, and realigning.

So this month, I want to invite you into a gentle but powerful Energy Reset.

Not a rigid routine. Not another thing to manage. But a reconnection to what fuels you—mind, body, and spirit. And a letting go of what does not.

Start With a Mental Declutter

Ask yourself:

Is this serving me?

Is this worry, recurring thought, habit, mindset, or relationship working for me?

Have I outgrown it? Am I holding onto this just because I always have?

Remember, we don’t always need to add something in order to move forward.

The greatest progress can often be made when we let something go.

Nourish Your Emotional Core

Ask yourself:

What am I feeling that I’ve been avoiding?

Where am I saying “yes” when I mean “not now” or even “no”?

Recently, I took on a problem for a family member. After days of investing my time and involving others to help, the family member decided she didn’t want the help after all. I had to undo what I had done, and it drained me emotionally.

It occurred to me that not every problem is ours to solve. Not every thought deserves our full attention. This is easier to see when our minds are decluttered.

Our emotional energy leaks not through the big things—but through tiny betrayals of self, repeated daily.

Choose one small boundary to honor this week. Let it be enough.

When you honor your emotions, you stop hustling for peace and start embodying it.

Reignite Your Physical Vitality

This isn’t about a diet or a bootcamp. It’s about remembering that your body is not a machine—it’s a sacred vessel for your mission.

Drink more water than coffee.
Walk without your phone.

Sleep like it’s your secret weapon (because it is).

And maybe most importantly—breathe.
Deeply. Slowly. As if your life depends on it.

Because in many ways, it does.

As you go through the week, I encourage you to do some internal and external spring cleaning. You don’t need to overhaul everything. Often, it’s the subtle shifts that create seismic change.

When you reset your energy even gently, you rise with more clarity. Create space for growth. Know what energizes you. And are clear minded — for yourself and those you lead.

So let this be your permission slip:
To pause. To realign. To reclaim your spark—not by doing more, but by letting go of more so you can return to who you already are.

You are not behind.
You are not broken.
You are becoming.

All my best,
~Rita

Slowing It Down to Keep Yourself Resourceful

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

Do you find yourself compulsively moved to action even when you want to rest? You promise yourself you’ll slow down after you get just one more thing knocked out. But then something else needs to be accomplished or fixed – and well aren’t you the best person to do that?

For many today, the way we are approaching our life and work is dysregulating our performance – and nervous system. What worked for so long is now wreaking havoc on our life and leadership and many don’t know how to pull out of it.

In this episode, I’m looking at the epidemic of hyper-functioning, especially among highly capable, high-achieving individuals. The ones who, when you look at their early training and programming, not surprisingly, were raised to save the day, caretake, and handle the perceived threat as quickly as possible.

Today, I’m providing the tools to slow down and self-regulate those overstimulated nervous systems to ensure you are making your decisions consciously instead of compulsively. These are the same tools today’s greatest leaders are using to boost resourcefulness, avoid burnout, and enhance happiness and leadership.

Understanding our Nervous System

Our nervous system operates in two primary states: the sympathetic state (also known as the fight-or-flight state) and the parasympathetic state (also known as the rest-and-digest state).

When we’re in our parasympathetic state (our peaceful, grounded “flow” state), we’re capable of deep focus, creativity, connection, and meaningful action. But when we’re in a sympathetic state (fight or flight), we become led by reactivity and compulsiveness.

The reality is that right now over 74% of people report experiencing some level of stress, which means most of us are navigating life from our fight-or-flight state. In turn, the nervous system becomes dysregulated. The worst part is most don’t know how to pull out of it.

Recognizing Dysregulation: The Story of Jack

Recognizing dysregulation is important because many of us are operating in a constant state of stress without even realizing it. Like, for example, Jack. He is a leader, a high performer, a go-getter, and a true GSDer (Get Sh*t Done kind of guy). For years, Jack operated from pure willpower, grit, and determination. If something was missing, upended, broken, or someone was hurting, he’d step in and fix it. As a result, he became very successful.

But recently, Jack found himself exhausted, irritable, and disconnected. He realized that what used to be his strength no longer works for him and is now the reason why he is unhappy and unsatisfied. He’s been given feedback that he was running over people at work. Impatient with those closest to him. He isn’t able to enjoy what he’s created or relax on vacation because he’s constantly thinking about work and how to forecast the next thing needed to be done. Jack described himself as restless, stuck and unable to break through it. Living and working this way for so long, his nervous system is overstimulated and dysregulated.

The Cost of Overstimulation

Leaders, like Jack in particular, pay a high personal cost for not mastering self-regulation, which can manifest in disempowered teams, missed opportunities, and overall life dissatisfaction. If this chronic stress unknowingly continues, it harms relationships, limits creativity, reduces overall effectiveness, and triggers health issues.

Strategies To Slow Down For More Conscious Rather Than Compulsive Living & Leading

If you feel trapped with things not changing even when you’re working harder, here are practical strategies to slow down and regain your control:

Pause: Instead of moving faster – slow down. You don’t have to solve that problem immediately. Wait until you are calm and centered before responding.
Do One Thing: Instead of doing many things – do one. Complete each task fully before moving on. This focused approach not only reduces stress but also boosts your productivity as it decreases mistakes.
Recognize Rest Is Productive: Create space in your day for rest. Contrary to ingrained beliefs, embracing rest enhances productivity and creativity.
Get To the Root: When feeling compelled to continue moving and accomplishing, ask yourself, “what am I feeling that makes me keep doing this even when it doesn’t feel good?” Simply acknowledging the root of the feeling can be a game-changer.

Cultivating Self-Awareness and Reflection

One of the most in-demand skills right now among leaders is self-awareness and self-actualization. That’s because today’s top leaders know there is a different set of skills needed to succeed in today’s environment. Developing these skills ensure you become the leader, visionary and creative you are here to be.

Embrace the Slower Pace

Your call to action this week is to slow down. The next time you feel stressed or overly reactive, take a breath and exhale deeply. Make the sound ahhhh as you do. The stressed sympathetic nervous system will shift.

Remind yourself: It is productive to rest.

The more you use these inner game tools and sharpen your self-regulation, the better they become. This is how you empower yourself and others in the best possible way.

In this episode, I share:

Why high-achieving men and women are suffering from dysregulation of the nervous system at significantly higher rates
A simple mantra when the stress is high and the pressure to perform at maximum capacity seems never-ending
A few simple tools that will boost your resourcefulness, avoid burnout, and enhance your happiness and leadership

Resources and related episodes:

Tune in to the previous episode, From Disappointment to Power: Mastering the Art of Bouncing Back
Listen to Leading From a Heart at Peace
If you’d like to be notified of when new podcast episodes are released, you can do so here: Playing Full Out
Learn more about the Inside Out Method
Connect with Rita on LinkedIn

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

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About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Inside Out Method, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

The Leadership Edge: Mastering Self-Compassion for Greater Success

“Tension is who you think you should be, relaxation is who you are.”

~Chinese Proverb

In a conversation with my husband, I shared that I had missed a deadline to sign up for one of my kid’s activities, was behind on a work commitment, and was hyper-aware of all that needed to be accomplished before an upcoming event I was co-hosting.

I was noticeably hard on myself as I judged my lack of productivity and efficiency over the previous weeks.

My husband looked at me disturbed and said, “I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself.” I recall looking back at him with an inquisitive — ‘What? That’s-how-you-get-life-done’ kind of look.

Later I sat down to think about what he’d said. Being hard on myself was a way I had used to motivate myself for years. It was so automatic that I didn’t notice all the ways I was rough on myself — I pushed myself to work long hours, follow through on commitments to others while breaking ones to myself, and made myself go faster when I really needed to slow down. Thinking about it made me both tired and sad. Now I noticed how this relentless pressure on myself didn’t just affect me. It was negatively influencing those around me as well. I knew I had work to do — and it wasn’t on my missed deadlines.

Perhaps you can relate.

As a leader, you’re no stranger to high expectations. Perhaps you too push yourself to perform extraordinarily, demand the best, and hold yourself accountable at every turn.

But here’s a truth that high achievers overlook: self-criticism doesn’t fuel success – self-compassion does.

Too often, we equate self-worth with achievement, believing that if we push harder, we’ll finally feel “enough.”

But what if the way you’ve been taught to succeed is the very thing that keeps you from what you truly want?

What if the real key to sustainable success, a meaningful life, and great leadership isn’t more pressure, but more grace?

The most effective leaders aren’t the ones who are always productive and never fall; they’re the ones who rise and lead with self-trust, resilience, and self-kindness.

Here are ways to lead with more self-compassion…

Call it – Acknowledgement is powerful. The critic is a bully that we set up to motivate us and loses its density when we name it.
Reframe the mistake – Instead of dwelling on mistakes, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this? And what do I want now?” Then move forward with self-trust.
Reassure yourself – Self-soothe with one or two words in those moments you feel the pressure on yourself. “You’re OK,” “It’s OK” or “Soften” are a few I use. Find the one that speaks to you.
Prioritize rest as much as productivity – The best leaders know that their energy is their greatest currency. They take care of their most valuable asset. How often do you give yourself permission to pause and refuel?

Notice the personal and professional advantages that play out as you focus on self-compassion this week. It’s important because others are watching you!

All my best,

~Rita

P.S. Discover new ways to practice living to your potential and a deeply meaningful life. Schedule a Session to talk with me about getting your inner game advantage!

From Disappointment to Power: Mastering the Art of Bouncing Back

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

Hi friend! How do you bounce back after people let you down? When a family member, boss, organization, or even institution disappoints you? Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot in my conversations about people letting us down and the ongoing fallout of those disappointments.

In this episode, I’m sharing the four-step process to understand your disappointment and help you manage it so you can have what I call a good bounce-back rate. That is, the time between the disappointment and getting back to your centered and best self. Whether you’ve been recently let down or are preparing for future challenges, these steps will guide you to navigate and recover from disappointments gracefully and protect your well-being so that you don’t suffer or becoming hardened by the initial disappointment.

After all, the worst thing that can happen after someone else’s disappointing behavior is that we become or play smaller.

Understanding Disappointment

Disappointment is a natural emotional response when our reality does not align with our expectations. Whether it’s a missed opportunity, a betrayal, or an unforeseen challenge, disappointments commonly catch us off guard.

For example, a client of mine recently discovered that another executive officer had secretly set up multiple fake businesses on the company ledger. The leader had been stealing several million dollars from the company over the last few years. She was completely blindsided by this revelation. Not only had she been let down but she also felt violated, realizing she had unknowingly facilitated some of his altercations.

The Four Archetypes of Disappointment Responders

The feeling of disappointment can be unsettling and can really trip us up. However, by understanding and recognizing our default response to disappointment, we can proactively navigate those emotions more effectively before they hijack us.

Here are the four general responses I see when it comes to disappointment:

Retaliator

The Retaliator wants to get even. When someone disappoints or hurts them, they feel compelled to make the other person feel hurt as they have. This approach unfortunately drains valuable energy, keeping the individual stuck in anger and ultimately does more harm than good.

Fixer

The Fixer believes they are the one that can “fix” or change the person who disappointed them. They may invest inordinate time trying to change the other person’s behavior. This is often seen in in relationships where one person hopes that the disappointment is a one-time event and not a reflection of the others values or lack of care or concern for them. Despite this good intention, this often leads to more repeated disappointment and exhaustion.

Self-Protector

In response to being hurt, the Self-protector builds walls to prevent future disappointment. They create rigid rules, withdraw trust, and become hardened. While this may feel like safety for them, it ultimately limits connection and vulnerability.

Self-Actualized Leader

This is the most evolved response. The self-actualized leader acknowledges disappointment, processes his emotions, actively works to manage their emotions, and quickly returns to their centered and best self.

Four Steps to Reclaim Your Power After Disappointment

Now that we understand the disappointment and its common responses, let’s discuss how to move through it effectively and empower yourself after feeling let down.

Step 1: Acknowledge the Disappointment

Pretending something isn’t disappointing won’t make it go away. You have to feel it to heal it. Instead of constantly avoiding, allow yourself to express your feelings. Write about them, talk to someone, or process your feelings in whatever way feels right. The more you acknowledge your emotions, the less power they hold over you.

Step 2: Don’t Make it Mean Something

One of the biggest mistakes we make is assigning meaning to a disappointment that isn’t there in the first place. If someone lets you down, it doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t good enough, valuable, or worthy. It also doesn’t mean that everyone of a certain group or identity is that way. Remember, people’s actions are shaped by their own experiences, not yours. Avoid making assumptions and resist the urge to take things personally.

Step 3: Reclaim Your Mental Space

Ask yourself this question: “What can I do to stop this from taking up more real estate in my mind?” The disappointment has already taken something from you— don’t let it take more. Reclaim your power by shifting your focus toward what truly matters: your well-being, your priorities, and your future.

Step 4: Start From Where You Are Now

The most powerful phrase I tell myself is: “Start from where I am now.” This simple shift brings you back to the present moment, allowing you to move forward without being weighed down by the past. What’s done is done; you need to accept it, and the best thing you can do is decide how to take charge of your response moving forward.

Bonus: The Power of Letting Go

I do this anytime I’m not at peace when I feel irritated or disappointed by someone. In my mind, I wish the other well. Sending them with love is freeing and cuts the cords of disappointment or irritation. And in return, you also set yourself free because you can’t be angry and give love at the same time.

Cultivating Resilience and Inner Peace

Disappointment will come whether we like it or not, but you have the power to determine how much it impacts you. How fast you bounce back. Acknowledge it, process it, and choose not to give it more energy than necessary. You are too important and too needed to stay stuck in disappointment.

What matters is your state of mind and how quickly you can bounce back to your center because you are always attracting your current state to you.

In this episode, I share how:

Understanding disappointment and its impact helps you manage emotions and control the power you give it.
To process your response to disappointment and consciously choose to move forward.
To reclaim your power and protect your peace by intentionally shifting your mindset, setting boundaries, and returning to your most grounded self.

Resources and related episodes:

Tune in to the previous episode, The Must-Have Skill That Separates Highly Successful Leaders From the Rest
Listen to Leading From a Heart at Peace
If you’d like to be notified of when new podcast episodes are released, you can do so here: Playing Full Out
Learn more about the Inside Out Method
Connect with Rita on LinkedIn

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

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About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Inside Out Method, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.