Tag Archive for: stress management

holiday strategy

Ten Ways To Adjust Your Strategy and Rhythm For More Enjoyment This Season

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

 

 

Many high achievers and busy individuals find themselves running the ultimate “Holiday Race,” trying to fit even more transactions into their already packed schedules. As a result, the end of the year becomes a whirlwind of labor and to-dos that can feel overwhelming and stressful. 

But what if this year, instead of accelerating, we interrupted our normal busyness and slowed things down? What if we used this season to take time off, practice self-awareness, align our days with our values, and focus on what truly matters?

In this episode, I’m sharing my ten proven and tested strategies to help you adjust your holiday rhythm in a way that truly aligns with your values. These approaches aren’t just about getting things done. They’re about ensuring that each moment reflects the essence of what you want this season to mean for you.

Holiday Stress is Real

Many of us get so focused on making everything perfect for others that we lose touch with our own feelings. The pursuit of the holiday rush often sidelines our own needs, and we end up running on what I call “toxic fuel,” also known as stress, fear, and worry to keep up with it all.

But as I talked to more people, I noticed that what many truly crave is the exact opposite of the holiday hustle. They long for a slower pace, a chance to quiet their minds, which are constantly scanning for what more they “should” be doing. They want out of the cycle of accomplishment they’re caught up in. They tell me they want to step off the treadmill of endless tasks without the fear of falling behind when they eventually return.

Here are the ten strategies that will help you create an intentional holiday season from the inside out.

  1. Prioritize Feelings over Tasks

Before you put another thing on your to-do list, ask yourself: What do I want to feel during this season? 

Too often, we jump straight into decorating, shopping, and planning without considering what emotional state we want to cultivate in the first place. What we feel is what we create. So, by intentionally deciding how you want to feel every morning, even outside of the holiday season, you set the tone for your intentional actions. Instead of beginning the day with stress, align yourself with a feeling, be it calm, joy, or gratitude, that you want to guide your day. 

  1. Manage Your Energy

It’s easy to let our patience wear thin during the holiday rush. Recently, I had a test of patience at the airport when an unexpected security check due to a $4.69 bag of cornmeal threatened to make me miss my flight. 

In moments like these, I remind myself to manage my energy, stay calm, and self-regulate rather than allow irritation to take over. Recognize that not everything will go as planned. There will be traffic jams, family misunderstandings, and lines at the store. They are all part of the journey. By managing our energy, we choose not what happens but how we respond for a more peaceful season. 

  1. Avoid “Toxic Fuel”

Toxic fuel is the source of energy that comes from stress, overwhelm, and fear. This type of energy may propel you through tasks, but it’s not sustainable. 

This season, it’s important to become aware of what motivates you. The best way to do that is by asking yourself, “Am I taking this action from a place of inspiration or fear?” When we come from a place of inspiration, our energy is positive and expansive. From fear, however, we contract. Shifting away from toxic fuel towards decisions and actions inspired by passion and purpose will not only make the holiday season more enjoyable. It will also enrich your sense of fulfillment.

  1. Reframe Stress to Excitement

When holiday planning starts to feel overwhelming and stressful, try reframing that feeling. Instead of saying, “I’m stressed about Christmas,” tell yourself, “I’m excited about Christmas!” There’s a very fine line on the physiological spectrum between the two feelings, so it’s important to know where the tension is and move that fear, stress, and overwhelm to excitement if you really are looking for higher performance and happiness this season.

  1. Be Like Your Favorite Pet

Have you ever noticed how pets, whether it’s a cat calmly purring or a dog excitedly wagging its tail, seem to be in the present moment, no matter what’s happening? Pets are experts at being present and adapting quickly to their circumstances. My suggestion is to be like your favorite pet this holiday season. If things go sideways, the gifts don’t arrive, or a plan doesn’t work out, take a deep breath like a cat, refocus, and bring yourself back to the present.

  1. Create Empty Space

During the holiday season, it’s easy to take on too many commitments and become overwhelmed with bookings. Meeting friends and families, driving in holiday rush traffic, and buying last-minute gifts can quickly drain us. So, instead of filling your calendar to the brim, consciously choose to leave some space open. Say “no” to additional commitments and give yourself permission to rest and recharge. This will allow us to be honest about what we can handle and what’s important to us. 

  1. Dream and Ask For What You Want

This is the exact time of year to reflect and connect to ourselves, know what you desire, believe in miracles, and be open to the possibilities. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself what you really want. Be open to receiving.  How do you do this, you ask? Simply say the words “I am open to receiving..” then fill in your order for the day.  

  1. Give Generously

Nothing shifts your focus away from stress like giving. Many people need what you have to give. Whether it’s donating to a homeless shelter or simply being present with someone in need, giving not only helps others but also enriches our own emotional experience. Consider listening actively to those grieving or hurting during this season—it’s often the greatest gift you can ever provide.

  1. Love Yourself Unconditionally

This sounds intense, but hear me out.  Real love means loving ourselves even when we burn the turkey, the house is messy, or we miss a meeting. It involves accepting ourselves even when things don’t go as planned, or we don’t finish what we want to in the day. Loving ourselves through and in spite of imperfections enables us to step into our happiest selves in this season. You might also be surprised at what you find when you let go of the need to control every outcome.

  1. Connect Deeply

Finally, connection, whether with a higher power, ourselves, or others. Remind yourself that the assurance you’re seeking externally is inside of you, and then connect with that. This season, practice connecting deeply and being fully present with yourself and your loved ones.

Embrace these strategies to make this holiday season one of your best. As a special gift, I’ve prepared a bonus tool to help you make this season truly sensational.  Without even having to think, it will help you adjust your rhythm and take the most direct route to the peace and enjoyment you’re seeking. Happy holidays!

In this episode, I share how to…

    • Know how you measure a truly successful and happy holiday season based on your standards 
    • Learn how to cut the transactional approach that too often characterizes the season for too many
    • Avoid unknowingly operating on toxic fuel for your motivation so that you can sustain whatever the holidays present you order to sustain even in the messy moments (which will happen)
    • Download your Bonus Worksheet: “The Intentional Inside Out Holiday Plan For Busy Schedules” 

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Inside Out Method, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

Disassembling Old Patterns

Disassembling Old Patterns For Profound Peace & Improved Performance

Disassembling Old Patterns

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

 

 

Have you ever found yourself saying, “There’s a part of me that feels this, or a part of me that behaves like that, and I don’t know why?” Perhaps there are times you react in ways that surprise even you? 

Do you ever attack when you feel threatened?  

Do you immediately fix things when you feel out of control? 

Do you overwork when you feel uncomfortable?

If you do, you are not alone. These are just a few of the coping mechanisms we use to protect us when we feel unsafe or things feel out of control.

The problem is that these protective patterns appear to work for us —  until they don’t. 

Often, it’s not until we find ourselves yelling at coworkers, losing patience with our kids, unable to listen without trying to fix something, micromanaging, being overly reactive or unavailable to those most important to us that we question what is really happening.

The thing is these protective patterns cost us even more as we increase our responsibility and influence.

The good news: we can disassemble and dissolve these destructive behaviors before they hurt our relationships, health, and careers any further. 

In this episode, I dive deep into unmasking these patterns of behaviors that up until now we may have seen as an integral part of our success. I’m sharing more of the common coping mechanisms that many of us use to protect ourselves when we feel unsafe, examine how these mechanisms form, why they persist, and, most importantly, give you a way to begin to address and transform them.

The Nature of Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms are behaviors we’ve developed to rid ourselves from uncomfortable feelings such as fear, inadequacy, and unworthiness. These responses often start during stressful times, helping us to endure and self-protect. 

While they may have served us well in the past, these reactions often become unconscious habits as we grow older, turning into our Achilles’ heel. They can become destructive to our progress in our lives, careers, and relationships.

The Hidden Impact of Our Patterns of Behavior

One of the challenges of coping mechanisms is that they are often socially rewarded. White behaviors like overworking, being highly productive, or maintaining strict control over diets or exercise routines are praised, they often are distractions that mask deeper emotional distress.

For instance, I used to run from accomplishment to accomplishment to feel successful, numbing my deeper feelings of inadequacy. By constantly achieving, I believed the control would bring me safety. However, even after achieving what I thought would make me feel secure, inner peace and freedom still eluded me.

The Pursuit of Control

Most of us spend our lifetime trying to control things in order to feel safe. We convince ourselves that by controlling our environment or responses, we can shield ourselves from discomfort and pain. But this pursuit of control is short-sighted. We can never truly control everything or everyone around us, and our attempts to do so often worsen our inner turmoil. 

Action Steps to Disassemble Negative Coping Mechanisms 

Acknowledge and Validate

The first step in transforming these destructive patterns is to acknowledge their existence and validate the part of you that developed them as a means of protection. Recognizing what triggers you allows you to tap into underlying emotions that may have been buried or unrecognized for years. It’s crucial to understand that these emotions are valid, whether they stem from past experiences or current situations. 

When you validate the root cause that has gone unaddressed or unhealed, you can give it the air it needs to let something else in. By doing so, you’re not dismissing your feelings but allowing yourself to fully experience and understand them—a powerful first step toward healing.

Name the Triggers and Emotions

Begin addressing your coping mechanisms by identifying the specific people, places, and situations that trigger these behaviors. Name the feelings around them, whether it’s anger, fear, defensiveness, or something else. By doing so, you start to unravel the fears driving your actions, creating space for healing. 

Seek Support and Move Forward

The journey of self-discovery and transformation is not one you have to walk alone. Seeking help from professionals, trusted friends, or even a higher power can help you process unresolved feelings and dismantle old coping mechanisms. This support system is crucial as you work to rediscover your true self and step into a space of inner peace and freedom.

The next time you notice certain feeling or behavior, learn to:

  1. Acknowledge and Validate: Addressing any coping mechanism is to acknowledge that it exists and validate the part of you that developed it to protect yourself. This validation allows you to start the healing process.
  2. Identify Triggers: Take time to notice the people, places, and situations that trigger your coping mechanisms. Understanding these triggers can help you gain control over your reactions.
  3. Ask for Help: Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Whether it’s from a higher power, a trusted friend, or a professional, getting support can make the journey to healing much more manageable.

Coping mechanisms are your mind’s way of protecting us, but they can become destructive if left unchecked. By acknowledging these behaviors, understanding their root causes, and embracing the discomfort that comes with healing, you can begin to dismantle these patterns and move toward the inner peace and freedom you’ve been seeking.

In this episode, I share:

  • A deeper understanding of the unconscious fears and feelings that drive negative behaviors.
  • The first step to understand why we are running and what uncomfortable feelings you aren’t willing to feel
  • Actionable steps to look at what triggers you and what to do instead of reacting to it this week

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Inside Out Method, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

best self

How To Engage In Pressureful Situations While Maintaining Your Best Self

best self

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

 

​​How do you engage in pressured situations while maintaining your best self? What do you do to manage and prevent stressful situations from negatively impacting your behavior?

In an ideal world, we don’t feel pressure at all—we hold boundaries, disarm conflict, and let things roll off our back. But we know that’s not reality all the time, right? We are complex creatures with emotions and past experiences that can trigger us. Whether it’s deadlines, difficult conversations with colleagues, or even complicated family matters — pressure is an unavoidable part of life. 

Of course, being self-aware is the first and foremost way to decrease our reactivity. By examining what triggers us, shining a flashlight on our blindspots and peeling back the layers, we can unlock our best selves and our best levels of leadership. BUT what do you do when the pressureful situation still strikes and you are knee-deep in it? 

In this episode, I’ll dive into how we can handle these moments in real-time without losing control and instead become models of the behavior we most want to see in our board rooms, classrooms, and family rooms. 

The Reality of Pressure and Its Impact

Recognizing and understanding why we feel pressure in different scenarios can help us improve our self-awareness in the moment.

In a meeting I witnessed a team member, Tom, becoming increasingly agitated. His voice grew louder and more aggressive. The tension was evident and most in the room grew progressively uncomfortable. But then, Tom did something extraordinary. He paused, took a breath, and became aware of his behavior in real-time. Tom performed a quick self-assessment and chose to change his approach. He then apologized, acknowledged the pressure he was under and said that it still didn’t justify his behavior. This honest self-assessment and admission not only transformed Tom, but also transformed others in the room, allowing everyone to relax and feel compassion. It brought the team back to the real issue, enabling us to work together more effectively. 

The Way We React to the World is Significant

Unexpected and uncontrollable events happen all the time. So, we need to know what we can do to avoid being hijacked by these moments and instead maintain our best selves. We need effective strategies. The good news is that there are ways to dismantle and redirect these pressureful situations before they escalate or harm our relationships and careers.

Here are the Five Steps to Maintain Your Best Self Under Pressure 

  • Be Aware of the Moment

Recognizing these pressureful moments makes all the difference. It might seem simple, but it’s not. Pressure triggers an instinctive response from our sympathetic nervous system, often before we’re even aware of it. Noticing physical signs like increased heart rate, faster speech, or sweaty palms can help you become aware that you are moving to a flight or flight response.

  • Pause

Once you’re aware of a pressureful situation, pause. This allows you to become an objective observer of your situation. By stepping outside yourself and looking back — neutrally —  you can see your behavior as it’s occurring. Slowing your heart rate down with deep breathing is extremely influential when you notice the physical experience of fear manifesting in your body. One simple way is to inhale for four, hold for seven, exhale for seven. This will reduce the pressured feeling in the moment and move you from a reactive to a calm state. 

  • Give Your Pressured Self a Direction

When I feel pressured, I am open to help.  The good news I’ve learned is that we can actually help ourselves in these moments. For me, the simple direction of “release” can take me back to my center. It’s like telling a dog to drop the bone. This simple direction can shift me when the pressure is mounting and I feel more defensive or aggressive in a certain moment. 

Becoming defensive under pressure is a very natural and common way we armor up to protect ourselves when we interpret a situation as threatening. Unfortunately, being defensive (other than when we are being physically attacked) is also unproductive and detrimental. You can’t be at your best—thinking clearly or solving problems effectively—when you’re defensive. So, when you feel the urge to react negatively, remind yourself to “release” the fear or tension in that moment. 

  • Perform a Self-Assessment

We know that when we feel pressured, we’re often driven by fear or worry. Certainly not our best selves. To get to the root of why this is, ask yourself these two questions: “What am I really afraid of?” and “What is my truth”? Often, our fears are irrational and identifying the truth allows us to return from our pressured selves back to our best selves. 

This was best demonstrated by Tom when he was able to do this in real-time and owned what he feared — that his team wouldn’t perform and that would lead to his failure and judgment from stakeholders. He then identified what was as true (or more true) than his fear, that he could lead his team to successful completion with his colleagues’ support. By pulling out of his fear, he was able to not lose control and instead access better resources and support.

  • Follow the #1 Leadership Principle: Lead from Love

One way to practice this is to ask yourself, “What would love do here?” This principle helps you respond with empathy and compassion rather than fear and defensiveness. Choose to lead from love even when the pressure is on. 

Now, whenever you feel pressure rising, you have a complete process to help you rise as an employee or leader:

    1. Be aware you’re in a pressure moment. Name that pressureful moment.
    2. Pause. Objectively observe yourself.
    3. Give direction and help your pressured self.  Simply provide the part of you that is in fight or flight to  “release.”
    4. Perform a self-assessment. Start asking yourself, “What am I afraid of?” and “What is the truth?” Then behave according to the truth.
    5. Lead from Love. 

Remember, if you shut down, others shut down. When you stay calm you will elicit calm from others. 

In each pressured moment lies an opportunity to exhibit your highest potential. Use these strategies to transform pressure into growth and demonstrate emotional maturity that sets you apart and drives you towards more substantial, fulfilling outcomes in every area of your life.

In this episode, I share:

  • How to recognize a pressured moment as it’s rising 
  • How to avoid reacting and instead dismantle a pressured situation like the great leaders do
  • Five simple, practical steps you can use in real-time to maintain your best when the pressure is high
  • The role and advantage of self-awareness when the stakes are high and the decisions matter

Resources and related episodes:

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

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