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The Most Underrated Leadership Tool

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

If you think effective leadership is all about having the perfect plan, the most compelling pitch, or racking up a list of accomplishments, you’re not alone. Most of us have grown up believing that confidence, strategy, and performance are what distinguish the best leaders from others.

However, the truth is that people don’t follow the strategy. They follow the energy.

In this episode, I am going to share what might just be the most powerful leadership tool you already have – your presence. I am going to show you the science behind it, why your presence matters more than performance, and the two simple steps to elevate your presence in your leadership both at home and in the workplace.

Why Presence Matters More Than Performance

Presence is the unspoken energy that precedes us into every room, the signal our nervous system broadcasts before we ever open our mouths. Whether you realize it or not, people are sinking to your signal.

Harvard research shows that our presence earns trust before our skill earns respect. Why? Because humans are wired to sense and sync with each other’s nervous systems. Before we even hear your words, we feel your energy.

Two leaders, Different Presence

The first leader is Tom. He had the kind of résumé that made people sit up and take notice, featuring an Ivy League degree, a reputation as a brilliant strategist, and a leadership role at a prominent company. On paper, he was everything you’d expect a team to rally behind.

But there was a problem.

No matter how polished his presentations were or how great his strategies seemed, the room always felt… flat. The energy never lifted. His team wasn’t leaning in. They weren’t opening up.

When I met with Tom, it became clear almost instantly. His presence wasn’t making people feel safe or confident; it was having the opposite effect. Without realizing it, Tom was creating tension in the room. He was leaning entirely on his pitch and expertise, thinking that was enough to inspire people. And while his words were smart and well-crafted, the energy behind them told a different story.

Now, let me introduce you to Sue. No big résumé, no need to command the room, but when she spoke, people did lean in. Why? It was because of her presence. She was grounded. She was self-regulated and clear. She didn’t need to prove anything; she just was. And that energy feels different. We all know that. It feels trustworthy, true, and authentic.

The reality is your presence becomes the thermostat in every space you enter. You either raise or lower the emotional temperature.

The Science Behind Presence: It’s Biology, Not Magic

You might be wondering if this “power of presence” is just feel-good advice. You might think it’s soft but there’s hard science behind it:

Emotional Contagion
Studies show that feelings are infectious. Like catching a cold, people unconsciously absorb the emotions of those around them. A leader’s anxiety can escalate tension, while their grounded presence can settle a room. This means your presence sets an emotional tone, and it does that more than your words, whether you intend it or not.

Mirror Neurons
These are the brain’s way of empathizing with others. When you witness someone’s demeanor, your brain responds in kind. Consider the visceral reaction you might have when someone else is nervous or confident; your body can begin to sense what they’re feeling.

Polyvagal Theory
The nervous system seeks connection with regulated, grounded individuals. When you’re self-regulated and at ease, you become a magnet for trust and stability. People are drawn to those who can stay balanced, particularly in turbulent times.

What we see is that leadership presence, therefore, isn’t soft; it is strategic, powerful, and contagious.

Thermostat vs. Thermometer

People tend to be either thermometers that absorb and reflect the mood of the room or thermostats that set the emotional temperature. While most people react to whatever is happening around them (thermometers), the best leaders walk into a space and intentionally set the tone (thermostats.) They walk in calm, grounded, and measured, and those around them rise to that level.

2 Simple Steps in Cultivating Transformational Leadership Presence

I’m often called into situations where there’s conflict or high stakes as part of my job. When other leaders have given up positively influencing the situation, I’m asked to give it a try.

When I was younger, I didn’t know exactly what I was doing that allowed me to effectively negotiate, mediate, or bring angry factions to agree. But, as I started to get down to what it was, I realized it all began with these two things:

Decide to Set the Tone
Before going into a difficult conversation or meeting, consciously choose to be the “thermostat.” Decide that your energy will be the baseline for the room. In fact, see it as done before you enter the room.
Choose Your Frequency

Ask yourself, “What energy do I want to spread?” Calm, awareness, hope, possibility, determination? Whatever was needed, I had to be intentional because I knew I was contagious. Our presence is our greatest leadership tool.

In these rooms, it wasn’t my expertise that made the difference; it was my presence. That presence created trust, safety, and the possibility for solutions — instead of fear and uncertainty.

The Ripple Effect of Presence Beyond the Workplace

This isn’t just for boardrooms. Consider your home, friendships, or community. Are you transmitting calm or chaos? Especially for parents, being the thermostat has profound effects. Children, for example, absorb the emotional temperature set by the adults around them. We cannot continue to be surprised that our children are anxious when so many around them are in their own flight, flight, freeze and fawn fear states.

What I am saying is, the ability to self-regulate and lead with calm, awareness, and self-trust — presence — can transform not just projects, but lives.

Presence Over Performance

Bottom line: You don’t have to be the smartest, loudest, or most charismatic person in the room. The most powerful leaders are those who cultivate presence —a grounded, calm, and authentic energy that inspires trust and action.

That comes from being able to manage our own emotions and understanding of the emotions of others. The ROI of your ability to do this is increased influence, impact, performance, bottom lines, peace and power.

Said differently, who you are being while you do what you do, speaks louder than your words or your expertise ever will.

It’s shaping how people experience you and how they experience themselves while they’re with you. That’s leadership. It’s not about control, not command, but presence.

This week, before your next meeting, conversation, or any moment that matters. Pause, take a breath, check in with your body, and make a conscious decision to be the thermostat. Ask yourself: Who am I choosing to be? What energy am I bringing?

Set the temperature, because your presence is your greatest power.

In this episode, I share:

Why your presence earns trust before your competence or strategy ever will.
The science behind leadership presence and how our nervous systems influence and synchronize with others.
How to shift from being a thermometer to a thermostat by intentionally setting the emotional temperature in any room or situation.

Resources and related episodes:

Tune in to the previous episode, Redefining Success: After the Climb
Listen to Leading From a Heart at Peace
If you’d like to be notified of when new podcast episodes are released, you can do so here: Playing Full Out
Learn more about the Inside Out Method
Connect with Rita on LinkedIn

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

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About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Inside Out Method, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

How To Engage In Pressureful Situations While Maintaining Your Best Self

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

How do you engage in pressured situations while maintaining your best self? What do you do to manage and prevent stressful situations from negatively impacting your behavior?

In an ideal world, we don’t feel pressure at all—we hold boundaries, disarm conflict, and let things roll off our back. But we know that’s not reality all the time, right? We are complex creatures with emotions and past experiences that can trigger us. Whether it’s deadlines, difficult conversations with colleagues, or even complicated family matters — pressure is an unavoidable part of life.

Of course, being self-aware is the first and foremost way to decrease our reactivity. By examining what triggers us, shining a flashlight on our blindspots and peeling back the layers, we can unlock our best selves and our best levels of leadership. BUT what do you do when the pressureful situation still strikes and you are knee-deep in it?

In this episode, I’ll dive into how we can handle these moments in real-time without losing control and instead become models of the behavior we most want to see in our board rooms, classrooms, and family rooms.

The Reality of Pressure and Its Impact

Recognizing and understanding why we feel pressure in different scenarios can help us improve our self-awareness in the moment.

In a meeting I witnessed a team member, Tom, becoming increasingly agitated. His voice grew louder and more aggressive. The tension was evident and most in the room grew progressively uncomfortable. But then, Tom did something extraordinary. He paused, took a breath, and became aware of his behavior in real-time. Tom performed a quick self-assessment and chose to change his approach. He then apologized, acknowledged the pressure he was under and said that it still didn’t justify his behavior. This honest self-assessment and admission not only transformed Tom, but also transformed others in the room, allowing everyone to relax and feel compassion. It brought the team back to the real issue, enabling us to work together more effectively.

The Way We React to the World is Significant

Unexpected and uncontrollable events happen all the time. So, we need to know what we can do to avoid being hijacked by these moments and instead maintain our best selves. We need effective strategies. The good news is that there are ways to dismantle and redirect these pressureful situations before they escalate or harm our relationships and careers.

Here are the Five Steps to Maintain Your Best Self Under Pressure

Be Aware of the Moment

Recognizing these pressureful moments makes all the difference. It might seem simple, but it’s not. Pressure triggers an instinctive response from our sympathetic nervous system, often before we’re even aware of it. Noticing physical signs like increased heart rate, faster speech, or sweaty palms can help you become aware that you are moving to a flight or flight response.

Pause

Once you’re aware of a pressureful situation, pause. This allows you to become an objective observer of your situation. By stepping outside yourself and looking back — neutrally — you can see your behavior as it’s occurring. Slowing your heart rate down with deep breathing is extremely influential when you notice the physical experience of fear manifesting in your body. One simple way is to inhale for four, hold for seven, exhale for seven. This will reduce the pressured feeling in the moment and move you from a reactive to a calm state.

Give Your Pressured Self a Direction

When I feel pressured, I am open to help. The good news I’ve learned is that we can actually help ourselves in these moments. For me, the simple direction of “release” can take me back to my center. It’s like telling a dog to drop the bone. This simple direction can shift me when the pressure is mounting and I feel more defensive or aggressive in a certain moment.

Becoming defensive under pressure is a very natural and common way we armor up to protect ourselves when we interpret a situation as threatening. Unfortunately, being defensive (other than when we are being physically attacked) is also unproductive and detrimental. You can’t be at your best—thinking clearly or solving problems effectively—when you’re defensive. So, when you feel the urge to react negatively, remind yourself to “release” the fear or tension in that moment.

Perform a Self-Assessment

We know that when we feel pressured, we’re often driven by fear or worry. Certainly not our best selves. To get to the root of why this is, ask yourself these two questions: “What am I really afraid of?” and “What is my truth”? Often, our fears are irrational and identifying the truth allows us to return from our pressured selves back to our best selves.

This was best demonstrated by Tom when he was able to do this in real-time and owned what he feared — that his team wouldn’t perform and that would lead to his failure and judgment from stakeholders. He then identified what was as true (or more true) than his fear, that he could lead his team to successful completion with his colleagues’ support. By pulling out of his fear, he was able to not lose control and instead access better resources and support.

Follow the #1 Leadership Principle: Lead from Love

One way to practice this is to ask yourself, “What would love do here?” This principle helps you respond with empathy and compassion rather than fear and defensiveness. Choose to lead from love even when the pressure is on.

Now, whenever you feel pressure rising, you have a complete process to help you rise as an employee or leader:

1. Be aware you’re in a pressure moment. Name that pressureful moment.
2. Pause. Objectively observe yourself.
3. Give direction and help your pressured self. Simply provide the part of you that is in fight or flight to “release.”
4. Perform a self-assessment. Start asking yourself, “What am I afraid of?” and “What is the truth?” Then behave according to the truth.
5. Lead from Love.

Remember, if you shut down, others shut down. When you stay calm you will elicit calm from others.

In each pressured moment lies an opportunity to exhibit your highest potential. Use these strategies to transform pressure into growth and demonstrate emotional maturity that sets you apart and drives you towards more substantial, fulfilling outcomes in every area of your life.