For over a year, I’d been trying to out-row, out-run, and out-pace my workout partner at Orange Theory.

Same energy. Same stride. Same season of life… right?

Wrong.

One day, in casual conversation, she dropped a detail that stopped me cold: she was 20 years younger.

Like 2-0.

Turns out, I had been competing—unknowingly—with someone two decades younger than me.

I laughed out loud. But later, I couldn’t help thinking… how many other places in life am I still operating from an old point of reference?

When was the last time I updated my definition of success?

For many of us, the version of success we’re still chasing is the one we chose when we started the climb—20, 30, even 40 years ago.

But what if it doesn’t fit anymore?

What if that ambition that once fueled us… Now gets in the way of enjoying what we’ve already built?

What if “more” isn’t the answer?

I talk to so many leaders who reach a moment like this.

They’ve built incredible careers, businesses, and lives.

But they’re still quietly asking:

Why doesn’t this feel like I thought it would? Why do I feel a pressure to continuously ‘scale up’?

They’re pushing for growth, scale, accomplishment—but wondering when the striving will start to feel like success.

I was speaking recently with a woman in a family business. She’s worked for over a decade to evolve the company and her leadership.

When her sister acknowledged her impact, she responded, “But my work hasn’t been validated yet.”

What she was saying was that she didn’t have the metrics yet to consider it a success. She, therefore, wouldn’t allow herself to fully feel successful.

It was at that moment she realized her definition of success hadn’t caught up to who she’d become. She was measuring by metrics that no longer mattered.

Another conversation, this time with a father. He’d always believed success for his kids looked like this: Play sports. Get the grades. Go to the right college. Get the job. Accomplish.

But when asked what success might look like in his relationship with his daughter—not her achievements, but their actual relationship—he paused.

He realized he’d never considered success that way.

That maybe, now, it looks like being close.
Being trusted.
Being a safe place to land.

He said that moment flipped everything for him.

We all need those moments.

Moments when we stop and ask:

Is what I’m chasing still what I want? Or is it just what I inherited… or who I used to be?

Redefining or updating your definition of success doesn’t mean you stop achieving.

It means you stop building your life around a version of success that doesn’t inspire you or feel good anymore.

For me, success used to be about accomplishments. Measurable. Tangible.

But today?

Ambition looks like doing less, not more.
It’s quieting down, not ramping up.
It’s choosing peace over performance.
Presence over productivity.

And I’m starting to believe:

Maybe success isn’t something you chase.
Maybe it’s something you define—and then live into.

Try this. In the unique energy of summer, carve out some time to reflect on these:

• What do I want to feel more of in my day-to-day—and what does that say about success for me now?
• If I let go of the definitions I inherited—from culture, family, or my past self—what does success feel like now?
• Where in my life or leadership do I feel most aligned today—and how might I build my definition of success around that?​

Here’s the truth I’ve come to:

You don’t need an article written about you, a title, or a viral post to be living a successful life.

You just need alignment with who you are today.

You need peace. You need to feel like you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

And the best part—if you’re like many— when you update your definition of success, you may realize…

You’ve already arrived.

All my best,

~Rita