Rita Hyland - Blog

Archive for June, 2011

How to Make Work-Life Balance Work (Video)

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

>”If you don’t design your life, someone else will design it for you.” ~ Nigel Marsh

I’ve made some mistakes since I graduated college. One of the biggest was letting a well-meaning corporation design my life for me. I gave it permission. I own the mistake. Thankfully, I’ve learned the painful lesson.

Nigel Marsh, best-selling author and performance coach, gets at what he calls the “nub” of this issue as he discusses making work-life balance work. This funny Aussie does so in a humorous and spot-on video below. (You may want to watch it twice as you can’t help but laugh while you learn.)

If you are in corporate America or even if you own your own business, and you’re stressed-out and overwhelmed by the demands of the workplace, trying to figure out how to put the spark back in your marriage, have more meaningful moments with your kids and get to your exercise club, while you practice your daily spiritual rituals, this video is worth the 13 minutes it takes to view.

Here’s what I’ve learned since my time playing victim by allowing others to determine my life: Know what’s important to you. Design your life. Have boundaries, and get started.

Nigel says, start small. It takes a minor 3mm change in your swing to change the trajectory and placement of a golf ball. The same goes for your life.

What 3mm change can you make to bring balance into your day?

Perhaps you put the smart phone away as you dine with your family, ask your kid about the favorite part of his day, schedule and plan the details of a date with your spouse, mark your calendar for a lunch appointment with yourself to exercise or read your favorite novel.

Bottom line: Don’t put off everything when you can do something. And never leave your life in the hands of even a well-meaning corporation.

It’s neither their expertise nor job to know and do what’s best for you.

That’s an ‘inside’ job. Always has been. Always will be.

Watch this spot-on video now. Then let me know what you do to make work-life balance work for you.

Make your own sparks fly like the Fourth of July!

How to Release Judgment and Exponentially Increase Your Peace

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

There’s one shift I’ve made in my life that has brought more peace than any other, and I want to share it with you.

About ten years ago, I decided to stop judging others.

What do I mean?

I consciously stopped talking about what would typically be described as the questionable behavior and choices of others. It not only didn’t work for me, it actually contaminated my peak state.

In short, judging others wrecked my peace.

First, when we judge another we exponentially increase the odds that we will experience the same event we are judging.

I learned this the hard way when I was struggling with nursing my first-born child.

Before then I thought everybody nursed their children. I quietly wondered and judged those who didn’t nurse their kids. After what remain the ten most difficult weeks of my life, struggling to nurse my first child, I became one of those I had previously judged.

We experience what we judge to learn compassion. You don’t have to tell me that twice. This experience alone could have helped me stop the judging game.

But besides avoiding being on the receiving end of that which we judge, there are other reasons to release judgment.

How much time would you get back if you stopped having conversations about another’s weaknesses or mistakes?

How much energy would you reserve if you didn’t dive into the story of another and why they are “so wrong?”

How much more positive would you feel about yourself, if you extended compassion to those who might know better, but aren’t doing better?

Have you ever delivered a rant judging your boss, colleague, family member, spouse, or tennis competition and then felt like you needed a shower because you felt so dirty? Do you ever really feel good about being ‘right’ in these instances?

Judging others eats at us like a highly toxic poison. It wreaks havoc on our mindset and emotions and leaves us focused on things outside of our control and missing any opportunity to be part of a solution.

One of the best pieces of advice I was given on this topic was in the form of a question: “If you’re in their business and their in their business, who’s in your business?”

The answer is simple: no one. Get back in your own business literally and figuratively. Obsessing with others behavior is our manipulative egos’ effort to distract us when we don’t want to do our own work.

Spot it. The next time you start to judge another for being greedy, selfish, lazy, insensitive, depressed, rude or afraid ask yourself, “Have I ever been (fill in the blank with your judging adjective?)”

If you’ve ever acted the same, you likely recall it was a time you weren’t at your personal best either. Perhaps you were afraid of something. Can you understand, even empathize, and extend compassion versus judgment?

Try it. When you extend compassion instead of judgment, you’ll find your body will relax. You’ll stay centered, restore peace and be able to hold your focus on creating your next masterpiece.

Now I am not always perfect. Recently I was being challenged with New York Congressman Wiener and his situation. So I used my tools:

“How am I like Congressman Wiener? Have I ever been addicted to something? Have I ever sabotaged myself? Have I lied?

The answer is “yes, yes and yes.” I’m addicted to sugar. I’ve certainly sabotaged myself when things were good. And yes, I’ve lied too. I’ve done it all on some level of the spectrum, and so I understand him and can choose to extend compassion to him. He is not at his best and highest self. I’ve been there. Have you?

What’s the point of releasing judgment? I feel better. I haven’t put more negativity in the world today by talking about it with others. I haven’t wasted my air, energy, and time.

Instead, I’ve kept my focus on delivering my gifts versus draining my resources and that pays dividends.

Bottom line: Releasing judgment is a gift you give to yourself.

To shift to peace when you find yourself judging, ask: “How are we alike?” rather than “How are we different?”

Remember, when you change YOUR world, you change THE world!

Here’s to more peace while creating your masterpiece!

What MJ Jones Taught a Teacher

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011


Here Are My Favorite Tools To Figure Things Out

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

The past two years have been hard on everyone. Regardless of who you are or where you live, some area of your life has been challenged.

So how do you move forward when you can barely get through your day? How do you gain momentum when obstacles always seem to arise?

Perhaps, you want to expand your business but you ‘can’t’ do business development because you’re too busy working ‘in’ your business. You may want to improve your relationships and increase your quality time with your spouse and kids but you ‘can’t’ because of their extracurricular activities and your company’s latest initiatives. You want to pursue your dream career, but you’re too busy in the fog today to see your bright dream for tomorrow.

You’re frustrated because you feel like you’re trying, but you’re getting nowhere and have little confidence of things changing. Who has experienced any of these situations before?

The following five steps will help you when life has served you the proverbial lemons, and you are ready to make some lemonade!

1. Get real. Stop hoping for it to change, and stop trying to outrun your noticeable problem or to-do list. If you’ve been operating under the guise that your day is a race to be won like many highly functioning, driven individuals, this is a sign you’re working from desperation versus inspiration. The problem with this approach is it never yields a high return on investment. It’s time for a change. Next…

2. Slow it way down. This may feel counter-intuitive. It is. Just when you think you need to speed up, it’s really time to slow way down and answer the important questions. Are you in line with where you want to go? Are you clear of what is truly not working or are you mis-diagnosing the problem completely? Slow down to observe what is “really” happening. So that you can…

3. Diagnose the problem. Seth Godin identifies four reasons we are stuck. 1. We don’t know what to do. 2. We don’t know how to do it 3. We don’t have the authority or resources to do it or 4. We are afraid. Once we figure out what’s getting in the way, it’s far easier to find the answer. “Stuck is a state of mind, and it’s curable.”

4. Rid yourself of vampires. To what drama and minutiae are you attaching yourself that is unneeded, unwarranted and unnecessary? Vampires may take the form of people, old thoughts, negative patterns of behavior, or judgment of self and others. Be courageous. Change what you have control over and let go of the rest. Drop the list of have-to-do’s you never complete, the employee with no desire to change, the client who is less than your ideal, your criticism of where you haven’t gotten to yet, and any negativity you’ve chosen to hold onto until now.

5. Step away. Whenever I find I am in “too deep” to see what is not working, or I’m looking for the five-star answer when life throws me a curve ball, I step away. I often say “you’re not going to be able to think your way out of this one.” The problem is not going to be solved by continuing to stare at it and think it through. Rent a space, go to a spa, find a retreat in the woods, or borrow a friend’s cabin for a day. There you’ll be able to hear your inspired, wise self speak rather than your desperate, critical ego which has been leading you astray.

6. Make a courageous bold move. When we’re driving and we need to make a detour, we don’t turn the wheel slightly. We boldly and courageously make a sharp pull. What bold move do you need to make to course correct? For me, it was to take an additional day off work each week for the summer. The answer was not what my logical thinking mind would have said to do, but as soon as I said it out loud, I knew it was EXACTLY what was required for myself and family.

Bottom line: Don’t wait to find the answer: create it.

Here’s to a chilled glass of lemonade, hot summer-fun and a sizzling life!